CELTICS QUICKLY MOVE HAWKS INTO "ENDANGERED SPECIES" TERRITORY

CELTICS MERCILESSLY BEAT THE EVER-LOVING SH*T OUT OF A GAGGLE OF HAWKS FOR 48 MINUTES STRAIGHT IN FRONT OF A CRAZED AUDIENCE OF THOUSANDS AND PRIME TIME TELEVISION AUDIENCE OF MILLIONS; PETA'S PRESIDENT'S HEAD EXPLODES; WESLEYAN'S CAMPUS JUMPS INTO ACTION- BOSTON PUT ON RED ALERT FOR STRIKE FROM ANIMAL RIGHTS TERRORISTS;