Friday, March 18, 2011

Expectations

    Let me just say, I'm not a mean person.
    Quite the opposite.
    I care deeply for those people I trust and or have bonded with.
    I claim to be an honest person.
     Brutally honest some times. Never to hurt anyones feelings.
    but mainly cause I don't believe in wasting time with pussy footing around. I feel people should just say what they mean.
    I also know that some might think I'm a hyprocrit, cause I claim to be honest and then I lie to the sportsman.
    I lie to him by cheating on him.
    Just so you know I haven't always cheated on him.
    Just in this last year. 2 men. Thats it.
    I know I should never have. Its totally fucked up.
    Hello, don't judge. You don't really know me.
    I was out seaking.
    I'm not sure what I was seaking. I have claimed that it was the lack of good sex.
    I just dont know anymore why I cheated.
    I know that due to my health issues, and having a mini stroke not too long ago I was scared. Scared I would die and maybe not ever be with the person I was ment to be with. So I was out looking for the "someone" that I thought would be the perfect package.
    Then I met him. So I thought. I couldn't get him to commit to me. It broke my heart.
    Of course what the hell was I thinking. He was single but I was still married. Not even separated. I couldnt exaclty expect anything from him.
    I had completely emtionally separated myself from the sportsman.
    I tried to feel things out with this other guy. It just didnt seem like he really wanted to be with me.
    Honestly I dont blame him. Who wants to be with someone who has a known illness that there is no cure for.
    Thats alot to take on.
    So we argeed to be friends. I didnt want to be. but there wasnt much I could do.
    Then came the weekend where I went away with the sportsman.
    I wrote about it. This guy reads my blog. My post hurt him.
     D e e p l y.
    Which was not my intention. He told me that my blog posts hurt people. Now he won't even talk to me. I don't blame him. I hate that now I have even lost him as a friend.
    In my defense I am not a bad or mean person. I swear.
    All that he said, (and he said alot) made me think.
    I've totally been out of control for awhile. in more than one way. Even though I cheated I have learned alot.

    and
    maybe I've posted too much personal shit here.
    Maybe I should keep shit more generic. ?

    I never ment to hurt anyone with my posts.
    This is me saying I will try harder.
    I will be more cautious in what topics I choose to post about.

    For what its worth. I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart.
    Its all about perception people.
    Doesnt matter what the truth is.
    Its all about what people perceive.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2011/03/expectations.html
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