Friday, July 1, 2011

FULL Circle- A years worth of learning shit

    It's been a full year now. Since my life took on some major changes (detours).

    A year ago, alot shit load happened.
    - I cheated,on the sportsman;
    -I started Exercising, obsessively;
    -I made alot of new friends, in the blog world and on FB.

    - I quit going to church;
    -Took naked photos of myself and shared them with others;


    When I take a look back now at how much my life has changed in just over a year ago, I can't hardly fucking believe it.


    At the time my family (my mother and kids) swore I was going thru a mid-life crisis.
    (Which I was not)

    But because of my crazy self absorbed behavior(hitting the bars with friends, working out, tanning alot, always out "shopping") I can totally see where they would think that.

    I know I said before I blammed FB (orignally) for the initial problems.
    But, hers the big BUT that wasn't the real problem. We all know that.

    So, I heard someone say the other day on the radio I think, that you can't blame FB for the destruction of a marriage/relationship.

    Your marriage/relationship was already in trouble prior to starting up FB.

    I truly fucking believe that.

    I believe if you are struggling in your relationship, getting on FB will only make matters worse.

    Just my opinion.


    of course.

    but thats not what I wanted to talk about today. I wanted to share the ways my life has changed in a year.

    The biggest reason for my s p i r l out of control, is I was not happy. In my marriage, and in my life. You know how it is. Shit, almost everyone has been there at some point in there lives 

    I was anxious that I was going to die, sooner than later.

    My sex life was/is lacking. My sex drive is higher than most women and it has caused some problems.

    It doesnt help that I have men hitting on me or making offers all the time.

    Hello, STOP please I can't take it.
    I have NO will power when it comes to sexy men.


    So I made a concious effort(yes, concious cause I knew exactly what the fuck I was doing, and I did it anyways) in running out of control. Not thinking or caring who I hurt in the process.

    Yes, that is a fucked up thing to do.
    I most definately have learned alot along the way. Over this last year.

    I've made alot of mistakes. As we all do.
    and I can't say that I am 100% better or happier in my life than I was before.

    but

    I can say that I learned some shit.
    That won't be repeated.
    I don't have a bad life. I actually have it pretty good.

    My problem is I keep thinking there is something better out there or that I should be happier than I am.

    I hear people say all the time that they just can't catch a break.

    Well I feel like "those" are the kinda people that always expect good things to fall into their lap, and when they don't they place the blame on everyone/everything else for their misfortune.

    I don't believe that is how things are. I believe you make your own luck.

    Own it, if you fuck up. Don't place blame or make excuses.

    Happiness truly comes from within.

    and thats where I am trying to get.
    it seems like a long journey but I have faith that eventually I will get there.
    Hopefully with the sportsman and my family intact.

    SO heres to PEACE from within.
    Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2011/07/full-circle-years-worth-of-learning.html
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