Showing further signs that his transition from hall of fame player to paranoid, Stalin-esque dictator is complete, Isiah Thomas has banned Stephon Marbury from entering the World's Most Famous Arena or speaking to any members of the press. In celebration of this bizarre, degenerate, depressing, laughably pathetic move, I Heart Celtics has compiled a list of our favorite banishments of the post medeival era. The following bans, embargoes, and exiles welcome Marbury's latest acheivement to their ranks:
1595 - Romeo exiled from Italy after killing the Fiery Tybalt (John Leguizamo).
1980 - Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume banned from libraries because its frank portrayal of a teenage girl coming of age. Marbury is currently working on his own sequal to Blume's classic, entitled Are You Getting in the Truck or What Margaret? It's Me, Stephon.
1982 - Ozzy Osbourne banned from playing in San Antonio after peeing on the Alamo whilst wearing his wife's dress. Overreaction? Marv Albert says "YEESSSS!"
1991- Steven Seagal is banned from appearing on Saturday Night Live after a terrible performace. In Seagal's defense, the musical guest was Michael Bolton. Lorne Michaels calls Seagal "the biggest jerk who's ever been on the show," but I don't believe it (please wait for the end of the linked video. you won't regret it).
1994 - Diego Maradona banned from World Cup for failing his 8 trillionth drug test, not to mention the Hepatitis test he failed in 2007. Even the hand of god couldn't help him in this one. This is still the best video I've ever seen.
2002 - R. Kelly banned from leaving Illinois after being indicted for making his infamous video. Nevertheless, Kels appears on South Beach only days later dressed in an angel-white suit filming a music video, an option Marbury might want to consider.
2003 - Geraldo Rivera banned from war coverage in Iraq for writing the US' battle plans in the sand for millions of viewers to see. Mission accomplished.
2006 - Wesley Snipes self-exiled to Namibia, which has no extradition laws, to avoid paying the $12 million he owes in back taxes to the US government. This, of course, coming after he wrote the US Government a manifesto claiming that he was a "a nonresident alien" of the United States and claimed the IRS seeks to "terrorize, enslave, rape or pillage" taxpayers (Whereas Stephon Marbury terrorizes, enslaves, rapes, and pillages interns , South African soap stars , and the Knicks franchise).
2008 - Stephon Marbury banned from Madison Square Garden for being completely insane. The Knicks hit levels of low that rival only that of Stella Maris College's "Old Christians".Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2008/02/great-moments-in-banishment.html
Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
No comments:
Post a Comment