CELTICS WORK OUT A PAIR OF PROMISING POINT GUARD PROSPECTS
It's pretty much guaranteed that Eddie House is gone, gone gone. That means that the Celtics have lost the following players:
James Posey (6th man, most reliable clutch player, best perimeter defender, gave tight, warm, yet heterosexually assured manhugs before games)
Tony Allen (criminally underutilized criminal)
Eddie House (fan favorite, clutch distance shooter, hustle machine)
PJ Brown (although he still looks like a spry young Mars Attacks alien, he's a billion years old at least)
Scott Pollard (he was on the Celtics this season, not next season)
Sam Cassell (God willing, he's gone forever)
So, try to grasp this concept. Here is the Celtics bench:
Center- Patrick O'Bryant. This Irish sensation's NBA career has been defined by his terrible decision to NOT get Jason Richardson the strawberry shortcake requested of him, and instead go to buy a Christmas tree. As a result, O'Bryant has been the highest drafted big man to spend most of his career in the D-league, only getting outshined by Marcus Fizer. I don't know why he sucks so badly in the pros, but the Celtics had huge boners for him a couple years ago so perhaps he can salvage his career. It's not like he has a ton of competition at the backup "5" spot... as you'll see in a second.
Backup point, 2, and 3 guard- Smilin' Gabe. Hope Ray Allen, Pierce and Rondo all enjoy playing 45 minutes a night, because I literally can't remember a game in which Gabe played last year. I don't even know what number he wears, and I watch every damn game like a degenerate. I know he did play, I like him, and I know he's going to be a good player, but he literally got no minutes this year. (Quick tangent: the fact that Gabe got no minutes is a reminder that Doc Rivers was an idiot all year, until the seventh game of the Eastern Conference semis. Ray Allen's ankles were falling apart, the Celtics were winning every game by 20 points, and Ray was still putting in 40+ minutes while Gabe just sat there with his toothy grin on the bench. Dumbass!!!)
Everyman- Leon Powe. He can do everything, admittedly. However, I swear I heard Danny mention at a recent press conference that he was "raw but talented" as a point guard spot.
4-Big Baby. I love Big Baby, even though every indication is that he's a fat twit. Who cares, I could get used to him toplessly air-grinding a stripper pole during a victory parade every year.
3-Bill Walker. Once the Celtics drafted Walker, didn't we all kind of see the writing on the wall with Posey? Unfortunately, Posey wasn't the Posey when he was a rookie, folks. There are a ton of players in the league that could be badass defenders with three-point range, but it takes veteran savvy. I like Bill Walker a lot, don't get me wrong, but this is a veteran team and there's going to be a learning curve here. This is why the Celtics were friggin' idiotic for letting Tony Allen walk. Dammit that sucked.
2-3- Provided that he isn't arrested and incarcerated before the season starts, this will be JR Giddens. This dude makes me nervous because my muscle memory when I type "JR" and then hit the spacebar, my fingers immediately type "Rider." I couldn't have lower expectations for this hooligan.
1,2,3,4,5,point forward,point center, all three points in the triangle offense- BRIAN SCALABRINE. This guy can do it, and is consistently and reliably sub-average. Thank the basketball gods the Celtics signed this lumpy redheaded bastard to a longterm deal. Other than Powe, he's the only dude on the bench that has played in a meaningful NBA game for more than 15 minutes. And that was only one game for Scals, and it was years and years ago. (I am thinking about the game against the Pistons when he was with the Nets. He went bananas, but I heard that he had traded places with Michael Rappaport for that game. In exchange, Scals acted in the pilot for the classic sitcom "War at Home.") Scalabrine may not have done anything meaningful wearing green, but he's been saving all his clutch heroics for just the right time. At least he's well rested! Well, Scals, you're old enough to be the father of the rest of the guys on the bench, we're counting on you way too much...
So there you have it, the Celtics bench for the moment. It will probably be improved, people say. Really? Throw some names out there of players that are available and will play for less than what Posey was offered. Last I heard Rodney Rogers had dropped 50 pounds to get down to a svelte 375... he has a comeback in mind. He told a source close to I*Heart*Celtics that he is willing to play for 350,000 Burger Bucks a year.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2008/07/presto-change-o-celtics-have-worst.html
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