OK, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?

CELTICS BUILD HUGE LEAD, THEN DECIDE TO TAKE THE FOURTH QUARTER OFF; VIOLET PALMER MAKES THE WORST CALL IN HISTORY

The Celtics quickly built a 28-point lead on the second most chaotic team in the league (behind the Knicks), the Miami Heat. Just as quickly, they started sleepwalking the ball up the floor and the lead was cut to 7 points in the fourth. Thankfully, the Celtics pulled it together just enough to pull out the 95-85 victory. I don't know where people will come down on this one, but I am going to chalk it up to the second game of a back-to-back. Another factor, of course, was that the Heat are terrible and the Celtics had a huge lead for the second night in a row so they lost focus. Some victories are moral losses, this one does not fall into that category. Let's get to the superlatives.

MVP: I am going to give this one to James Posey, who didn't have a great statistical night but played ridiculous defense and had a lot of little things like rebounds down the stretch and a clutch diving steal that made him the most important guy on the floor for the Celtics. Tommy just gave him the Tommy Award, so I know I'm not alone on this one.

LVP: Mark Blunt. 0 minutes. He was spotted down the stretch grazing on palm trees with other retarded giraffes.

WTF Award: Ray Allen was 3-17. WTF.

WTF Award, Part 2: The Heat STARTED Chris Quinn?!? He's not a bad player at all, but WTF!?

Most Impressive Rookie: I love Daequan Cook, and I will never, ever spell his name correctly.

Douchebag Award: Udonis Haslem. He had a perfect form tackle on Ray Allen in the fourth that Violet Palmer called a jump ball. It was an outrageous call and reminded me that Haslem is vastly underrated in the world of douchebaggery.

UP NEXT: Sunday afternoon against the stupid Cavs.

-photo via Rueters, love those guys & galsSource URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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SMUSH PARKER GOES STEVEN SEAGAL ON FEMALE VALET

"GIRL, IT'S ALRIGHT" HE CROONS AS HE PUTS HER IN ARMBAR WHEN SHE TRIES TO COLLECT A $12 CHARGE

In an interesting twist, Smush Parker got into a little altercation with a 41-year-old valet. She wanted him to pay for the valet service, he said he had paid the night before, she said he didn't, he said something, she said something, he got bitter and grabbed his keys.


Yomara McKenzie, 41, told police Parker injured her left arm in an attempt to get his keys at a condo building at 355 Biscayne Blvd on Tuesday morning. According to a Miami police report, Parker was told he owed a $12 fee but believed he had paid it the night before.


Granted, this smacks of "working class looking to get a civil suit out of a pro athlete," but it's still hilarious. He has been suspended indefinitely by the Heat, who, if it weren't for the Knicks, would be the train wreck of the NBA that everyone was making fun of. That team is spiraling out of control, and we're loving every second of it.

-Also worth mentioning- Steven Seagal, according to Wikipedia, "has six known children from three relationships in which he has been involved." Plus, he had a marriage annulled because he married the chick while he was married to someone else then cheated on the chick in the second marriage. Woah.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Furniture love.

I'll get back to the gift guide soon (still to come: best friend, coworker...) but in the meantime there are some things that need to be posted. If you have $2000 to spare, you could do worse than spend it on this Danish modern teak loveseat. Isn't it beautiful? (Also, on craigslist, there is a Danish modern two-part sofa and chair for a mere $495. Oh, how I wish I needed a sofa and chair!)Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Moustaches! Beards!

The Beard and Moustache Championship. Ridiculous. Amazing. What heros. Colby and I went to this gallery opening tonight, which was awesome.
Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Paul Pierce calls Verne Troyer "Mini Me", Troyer gets pissed, the Celtics season of good feelings rages on!

Don't know how we missed this a while back, but this clip is unbelievable. Verne Troyer walks down the street after dinner, refusing to dish on his latest projects, when behold, Paul Pierce walks by, referring to Troyer first as "Doggie" and later as "Mini Me". Needless to say, the pint-sized Troyer is pissed, kind of tries to explain why he's pissed, and Paul Pierce laughs the whole time. Bravo.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Cup-of-Jo Gift Guide Part #5: Your Stylish Boyfriend Who Plays Scrabble With You and Still Kisses You When You Are Sick.

Filson rugged duffel, $240, for all those weekend trips he'll take you on.

The Berlin Years, a Marcel Dzama book with 32 loose-leaf prints, $70. (He can put one of the prints in his office.)

Red Swedish stapler for his office desk, $60.

Leather bi-fold wallet, $90.

John Wolfking of LA, $14, the amazing re-released solo record by John Phillips (of the Mamas and the Papas fame).

A terrarium you made yourself.

I wish I could buy this rad Artysm woven sweater for Alex. Alas, it's 205 euro. Curse the weak dollar!

Haircut and a shave at Freeman's Barber Shop, $65.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"LOWEST POINT IN KNICKS FRANCHISE HISTORY," SAYS BACKBITING KNICKS BROADCASTER MARV ALBERT; "MOST HILARIOUS GAME IN WORLD HISTORY," SAYS BP

If you actually watched this game, you had a great night. I was giggling during this game like I was a stoner watching bears have sex on Animal Planet at 3am. The Knicks completely quit on Isiah Thomas. Either that, or they are all in the mob's pocket and they were throwing the game. Since this is the NBA, both are possible, but I am taking option 1. Isiah looked about as comfortable as a dude getting a colonoscopy with a curling iron. The team was so emotionally depleted they couldn't even deliver cheap fouls at the end of blowouts. Red had his victory cigar, Isiah has his punk fouls at the end of crushing losses. It's his signature!

However, you can't heap ALL the blame on Isiah. Let's take a look at the Knicks roster, player-by-player.


Robinson- half court three at the buzzer kept the Knicks from their lowest point total in franchise history. Face still looks like whatever that amphibean was called that first walked on land.
Crawford- unspectacular, but he is much better than this team. He would be very good on a team like the Suns.
Richardson- big talker, 3-13 from the floor. KG mentioned that he alone was responsible for firing the Celtics up. Now we know why Moesha dropped his corny ass.
Balkman- every team wants this guy on their roster except for the team that drafted him way too high- the Knicks. Ironic.
Malik Rose- no, he is not dead. He is reborn in zombie mode and he's probably the best player on the Knicks at this point.
Curry- put up the worst hook shot of recent memory, but who can blame a guy that has hands about as supple as sledgehammers.
Jeffries- most likely to injure a starter that Doc was giving way too many minutes to. Thankfully, he didn't.
Lee- love his game. Interestingly, he doesn't get any minutes, even in a blowout loss.
Marbury- 2-6 with an airball and he also dribbled off his foot. The FBI might be investigating this game in a point shaving scandal at some point.
Randolph- 1 of 10 from the floor, and Elias Sports Bureau is still crunching the numbers about how many strippers he has punched in the last 48 hours.
Jones- nice block on Pruitt at the end of the game. I also like him. Funny, all the good, motivated players are at the end of the bench. The coach must be a real moron.


All in all, I can't think of a lower moment for such a (supposedly) proud franchise. Their salary cap is obliterated, they're paying millions to a woman they sexually harassed, their star player admitted to porking an intern in the back of a van, their announcer is still a sex freak with a toupee, they lost by almost 50 points to a hated division rival, the team quit on their coach, the team is 4-10, the coach is also the GM and he's functionally retarded at both posts, the team hates the coach, GM AND the owner, anyone with any interest in basketball is pointing and laughing, the fans hate the everything to do with the franchise, they are in the most intense media market in the world, AND there's no end in sight. Hell, I probably missed something in there. Welcome to hell!Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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CELTICS UP HUGE AT HALFTIME; RIVERS SAYS IT'S A GOOD TIME TO GET HIS STARTERS SOME EXTRA PLAYING TIME THEY'VE BEEN MISSING OUT ON

*Update* The Celtics are now up 72-35, and Pierce is still in the game! You GOTS to protect that lead, son!Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Lock up your interns, the Knicks are in town

The traveling circus that is the New York Knicks rolls into town tonight riding a two game win streak (and an intern or two). Here's what I expect to see:

Bad blood spill over from the preseason:


Although this image seems to date back to a few seasons ago, the Celtics and Knicks renewed their physical rivalry this preseason when Pierce and TA got a little feisty with shoot-first, shoot-second point guard and walking Napoleon Complex Nate Robinson. I look forward to TA punching little man in the neck if he acts up.


Marbury acts like a prima donna:


Marbury's bizarre antics have been the story of the Knicks season so far. I mean, any man who can make Zach Randoplh seem like a good teammate and upstanding citizen is truly a master of self-centeredness and sexual deviance.

Jamaal Crawford strangles Nate Robinson to death, David Lee, all of New York celebrates:



Nate Robinson, who has passed Eric Snow as my second least favorite NBA player (behind Drew Gooden), is so enraging to watch. I work in an office full of Knick fans, and he is the consensus least favorite player, including Marbury. All he does is shoot, dribble, and yap his mouth. Sadly, the Delightful Renaldo Balkman and David Lee play most of their minutes cleaning up his trash. Awful.

Isiah thinks about boobs in crunch time:



The man is detestable no matter how you cut it. Found guilty of sexual harassment, foul-mouthed, resentful, and a terrible GM/Coach to boot, this guy just stinks.

Scalabrine contributes off the bench:


Its about time for Veal to have a big game. I could see him coming off the bench early to disrupt the always-effective-against-the-Celtics-and-formerly-engaged-to-Moesha Quentin Richardson. I just have a feeling Scal is going to hit multiple threes and chase down a few offensive boards tonight. You watch.

Prediction: Celtics Win! Gino will be dancing all night--

Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Cup-of-Jo Gift Guide Part #4: Your Car-Enthusiast British Dad Who People Liken to James Bond.

Uniqlo cashmere sweater, $99 (there's a new store in Soho and your siblings could chip in).

Vintage Porsche aviator sunglasses, prices vary.

Lambskin driving gloves, $183.

A subscription to Intersection, a fashion-forward car magazine, $9.99.

Watch movement cufflinks, $125.

Kiehls Dop Kit, $78.

My dad hearts Iceland. This rad sea blanket (available here) was made there from 100% Icelandic wool. Here's the description: "The waters around Iceland serve as one of the best fishing grounds....Innumerable ships became stranded, men drowned and were engulfed by the ocean and the sea bed along the coast." Cheery!Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Cup-of-Jo Gift Guide Part #3: Your Lovely Mom Who Has a Soothing Voice That Would Be Perfect for Radio.

Chunky Neckwarmer, $108.

Fresh Sake Bath, $80. (Supposed to be AMAZING.)

Kettle from Finland, $130.

Cashmere-covered hot water bottle, $150. On a snowy winter evening, you can can crack open the bedroom window so your nose gets cold, and then cuddle up with a hot water bottle. It's so cozy and a true simple pleasure.

John Derian decoupage paperweight, $40 to $65.

Ballerina felt slippers, $70.

Persepolis graphic novel, $12.

An old family photo framed with an oversized mat.

A massage with "E," a blind man at Sal Anthony's, $65/hour. My friend swears by his talent.

(Cloud photo by Mav)Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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UH OH

CELTICS DROP OVERTIME STINKER; STARTING FIVE SMOKED BY SUPREMELY AVERAGE CAVS; DOC WISHES THE GAME WENT INTO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE OT SO HE COULD HAVE THREE PLAYERS BREAK THE SINGLE-GAME MOST MINUTES PLAYED RECORD IN THE SAME GAME


Perhaps time will remember this game as a back-and-forth battle between Eastern Conference heavyweights. Hopefully, it won't be remembered as the first game of a steady decline. The Big Three looked shaky at best, confused at worst tonight, and they were throroughly outplayed by an 8-6 team.

Obviously, Lebron was the big story, scoring 38 points, but the big story for Celtics fans is the fact that the Green had NOTHING on Drew Gooden (who has shaved the poop stain off the back of his head and replaced it with a Taliban beard) and ZeGooniest Ilgauskas, who makes Gheorge Muresan's footwork look like Sugar Ray Leonard's. Those two goofs combined to shoot 17-24 from the field and grab 27 rebounds. (The Celtics, as a team, were outrebounded by 7.) Watching those two wreak havoc on the Celtics front line was worse than the rape scene in the Hills Have Eyes.

Slightly less disturbing was the old, weary looking performance by Paul Pierce. He was sluggishly shortarming 10-footers at the end of the fourth quarter. Surprised? He played 44 minutes. You don't want to know how many minutes Ray Allen played, but I am going to tell you anyway- 49. Sweet. Unfortunately, not one of the starters had a +/- in the positives, while James Posey (+9, 20 minutes), GBBD (+5, 6 minutes), and Brian Scalabrine (+4, 5 minutes) were itching to help off the bench. Hell, even Scott Pollard (+0, 5 minutes) and Eddie House (-2, 15 minutes) were doing better, but all they got was pine time. Meanwhile, Ray Allen was shooting 10-25 and Pierce was 5-15.

WHAT THE F###!!!!!

The Celtics' bench is BETTER, inexplicably, than expected, yet Doc gives them no minutes. The starters were getting shredded and he refused to make a change. I hate to say it, but it's becoming clear that the Celtics will not be a contender with Doc at the helm. He can't put the right guys on the floor at the right time. He's incapable. I'm more likely to be on the cover of Ebony than Doc is to raise a championship trophy.

Anyway, on to the superlatives.

MVP: GBBD. Yeah, he played 6 minutes but he was the best player on the floor. If you don't agree, I'll bet you were held back a grade.

LVP: Ira Newble. I didn't really notice him out there, and he only played 16 minutes, but he was -22 for the game. That's got to be a record for a player on a winning team.

The "I Can't Believe This Guy Is Beating the Celtics" Award: Boobs Gibson. He couldn't start on any team other than the Cavs. He's a symbol of how average the Cavs are.

The "I Can't Believe This Guy is Beating the Celtics" Award runner-up: Mike Brown. The least competent coach of a winning team in history not named Doc Rivers.

The Highwater Award: Brian Scalabrine for consistently tucking his warmup shirt into his warmup pants and then hiking the pants up to his chin.

UP NEXT: Knicks at home on Thursday. Losing to the Knicks is simply not acceptable.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Pruitt trades lower left leg for one-way ticket out of Utah

Gabe Pruitt will suit up for the Celtics tonight after a one game stint with the D-League's Utah Flash. Look for smilin' Gabe to take full advantage of his newfound drinking liberties, including the basic human right of drinking "heavy beer" after 10 o'clock PM (heavy beer bieng defined as beer with an alcohol content of over 3.2%). Can't do that in Utah.

It's worth mentioning that in his one game with the Flash Gabe had 31 points, 8 assists, and a game-winning shot.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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FORMER CELTICS GO KIWI

Breaking news: former Celtic Orien Greene has signed a three-month contract to play for the Breakers, in New Zealand. The man he's replacing? You guessed it, former Celtic Wayne Turner, who went down with an injury. (Wayne Turner was kind of the Rajon Rondo prototype- a break-down-on-the-dribble point with no outside shot from Kentucky. However, Tuner would somehow launch the ball from behind his opposite shoulder- the ugliest release in the history of the world.)

Who's excited about the signing of this "huge" "1.93 meter" NBAer? You guessed it, the former "second coming of Kevin McHale", Minnesota's Rick Rickert. There are few things more hilarious than international basketball, where players like Dennis Rodman sign one-game contracts and Scottie "No Tippin, Farm Subsidy Pimpin" Pippin can sign a one-game contract to play in Sweden. Last I heard, Pippin was pretty much broke, BTW. That's just a rumor, but most rumors are kinda true. Maybe that's why he doesn't tip anyone.

International basketball- where Jerome Moiso, Sebastian Telfair's brother, and Joe Forte can have 20-year careers with 35 teams, and Michael Jordan's former teammates can go to get a check to cover the rent for the month.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Celts Prepare to Give Cavs the Business

Cavs fans react (above) after realizing Drew Gooden starts for their team.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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Cup-of-Jo Gift Guide Part #2: Your Quirky Little Brother Who Bought a Book About How to Patent His Own Inventions.

Bearded cap, $135, available at Scandinavian Grace in Brooklyn.

Kinder cowboy necklaces, $140. Very Indian-in-the-Cupboard.

Snafu tee, $34.

Retro bike speedometer, $12.

Sun Jar, $40.

Cologne that smells like the smoke of burning maple leaves, $55.

Typography doormat, $29.99.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/
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