BRUNO STIRS
The Celtics have all but signed up Mikki Moore for the rest of the season. But don't think that they are done wheeling and dealing. They need some more front line help, and since Mikki is a guaranteed success, they are looking at some other ex-Celtics to lure back onto the team. Here's their short list:
Kandi Man - before Michael Phelps was caught taking bong rips at frat houses in South Carolina, the Kandi Man was taking bong rips underneath the bleachers between the first and second quarters. Tell him you'll give him a box of Swedish fish for every rebound he gets and he will pull down exactly one rebound. And then fall asleep.
Pervis Ellison - I heard that the Celtics actually were at the table this week with Pervis, and Pervis was about to sign his name to a fat contract. Then Pervis got hungry, Pervis went to microwave himself a Hot Pocket, and Pervis fractured his fibula in eleven places opening up the packaging. Thus, Mikki Moore.
Tony Battie - has unfinished business in Boston. C'mon, he saved Paul Pierce's life (literally) and is just chilling on the bench in Orlando, daydreaming about his next Batman tattoo and wondering, like the rest of us, why Dwight Howard is so annoying.
Bruno Sundov - Mikki's 7'3" teammate with the Celtics hasn't played in the League since the 2004-2005 season. But local boy (by way of Croatia) went to high school at Winchendon Academy! His jersey is in the trophy case! Now he plays professionally in Zagreb. Sure, he shot .350 from the floor for his NBA career, but do I need to remind you that he has one more rebound in his career than he does personal fouls? I rest my case. (Also worth noting is this awesome website with a Bruno Sundov picture... that website might deserve its own post)
Jerome Moiso - every once and a while I get a Google Alert about Jerome in some weird language, so I assume he is still playing overseas. Either that or he is an international terrorist. Either way, he's 6'10" and outweighs Mikki by at least 5 pounds. I say give him another shot!
And last but not least, I*Heart*Celtics heartthrob Dwayne Schintzius. This is a man of principle. This is a man of moral integrity. This is the rare man known mostly for his mullet. He quit the Florida basketball team because he didn't want to "sail under the authority of Captain Ahab" and get a haircut. He also has the boldness to attack an automobile full of people in a nightclub parking lot with a tennis racket. And, he is principled enough to tell the truth in court about Jayson Williams executing his own dog with a shotgun. This world-weary, Bart Simpson-tattooed wonderboy was last seen dominating as a member of the Brevard Blue Ducks in 2003 and is poised for a mulleted resurgence.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2009/02/celtics-consider-other-ex-celtic-bigs.html
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