We're going to rip through the entire roster- one player a day- starting with Ray Allen.
Name: Ray Allen
Good Nickname: Jesus
Lame ones: Ray Ray, Sugar Ray
Looks Like: A turtle
Talks exactly like: Joe Morgan
Height: 6'5"
Position: SG
Life story: Born in California, went to high school in South Carolina, was a two-time All-American at UConn, as well as Big East Player of the Year. He was drafted by the T-Wolves, then immediately traded to the Bucks for Stephon Marbury. He was then traded to the Sonics basically for Desmond Mason. Then, he was basically traded to the Celtics for Wally World and Jeff Green. He is a 7-time NBA all-star and he won a gold medal in Sydney in 2000. Also, according to Basketball Reference, he has a decent shot at being a Hall of Famer. (He's right behind Paul Pierce, in fact!)
Specialty: The jump shot. He is a Three-Point contest champ and averages about 40 percent shooting from distance. People love his jump shot. Everyone raves about how beautiful it is. In fact, it will probably get annoying after a while. It's "silky smooth", it's "deadly", it's "beautiful", it's "jaw-dropping". If you replaced the word "jump shot" with the word "penis", ESPN would be the most explicit sh!t you've ever heard.
Celtics career: Thus far he has played very well in the preseason, including a stellar 11-14 shooting night a little while back. Allen figures to be the third option behind Pierce and Garnett, but he has been getting a lot of shots from the weak side, which is where Wally was supposed to be lights out but never really materialized. Allen won't get a lot of plays called for him, but he will have the opportunity to score a lot of points.
Past criminal activity: Once got in a loud altercation with some psycho that owns a gym in Connecticut. Was also detained by Italian fashion police for riding a scooter while dressed like a Christmas tree- a Class A Felony in the country. Also, two dudes were arrested for plotting to kill Allen's stepfather two years ago. Here's the link to the bizarre and confusing article.
In conclusion, Ray Allen is a law-abiding gentleman (except on scooters), but all sorts of crazy sh!t happens around him. Stay tuned.
Nemesis: Master Bruce.
Past rumors: People have speculated that Ray Allen is gay, somehow overlooking the scene where he bangs two chicks at the same time in "He Got Game" and the fact that he is now married with children. Regardless, we don't care whether Ray Allen is gay or not, but we're just a little bit gay for Ray Allen.
Random Wikitrivia: 12-handicap golfer, averages 150 in bowling, and apparantly paints his toenails for good luck. He and Scott Pollard should be fast friends. He is also the only Celtics player to be profiled by the Onion.
Youtube Gem: Georgetown versus UConn in the Big East tournament, 1995.
Prediction: Ray Allen is going to have a dope year. He has been the focus of defenses his entire career and now he will be drawing single coverage. People forget that he averaged 26 ppg last year on bum ankles and basically being double-teamed the whole time. The best defender is going to be on Paul (the offense has gone through Paul all preseason), Garnett will draw double teams AND pass, and Rondo can get in the paint and kick the ball out. This is a perfect situation for the Jesus.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/iheartceltics-player-preview-ray-allen.html
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Name: Ray Allen
Good Nickname: Jesus
Lame ones: Ray Ray, Sugar Ray
Looks Like: A turtle
Talks exactly like: Joe Morgan
Height: 6'5"
Position: SG
Life story: Born in California, went to high school in South Carolina, was a two-time All-American at UConn, as well as Big East Player of the Year. He was drafted by the T-Wolves, then immediately traded to the Bucks for Stephon Marbury. He was then traded to the Sonics basically for Desmond Mason. Then, he was basically traded to the Celtics for Wally World and Jeff Green. He is a 7-time NBA all-star and he won a gold medal in Sydney in 2000. Also, according to Basketball Reference, he has a decent shot at being a Hall of Famer. (He's right behind Paul Pierce, in fact!)
Specialty: The jump shot. He is a Three-Point contest champ and averages about 40 percent shooting from distance. People love his jump shot. Everyone raves about how beautiful it is. In fact, it will probably get annoying after a while. It's "silky smooth", it's "deadly", it's "beautiful", it's "jaw-dropping". If you replaced the word "jump shot" with the word "penis", ESPN would be the most explicit sh!t you've ever heard.
Celtics career: Thus far he has played very well in the preseason, including a stellar 11-14 shooting night a little while back. Allen figures to be the third option behind Pierce and Garnett, but he has been getting a lot of shots from the weak side, which is where Wally was supposed to be lights out but never really materialized. Allen won't get a lot of plays called for him, but he will have the opportunity to score a lot of points.
Past criminal activity: Once got in a loud altercation with some psycho that owns a gym in Connecticut. Was also detained by Italian fashion police for riding a scooter while dressed like a Christmas tree- a Class A Felony in the country. Also, two dudes were arrested for plotting to kill Allen's stepfather two years ago. Here's the link to the bizarre and confusing article.
In conclusion, Ray Allen is a law-abiding gentleman (except on scooters), but all sorts of crazy sh!t happens around him. Stay tuned.
Nemesis: Master Bruce.
Past rumors: People have speculated that Ray Allen is gay, somehow overlooking the scene where he bangs two chicks at the same time in "He Got Game" and the fact that he is now married with children. Regardless, we don't care whether Ray Allen is gay or not, but we're just a little bit gay for Ray Allen.
Random Wikitrivia: 12-handicap golfer, averages 150 in bowling, and apparantly paints his toenails for good luck. He and Scott Pollard should be fast friends. He is also the only Celtics player to be profiled by the Onion.
Youtube Gem: Georgetown versus UConn in the Big East tournament, 1995.
Prediction: Ray Allen is going to have a dope year. He has been the focus of defenses his entire career and now he will be drawing single coverage. People forget that he averaged 26 ppg last year on bum ankles and basically being double-teamed the whole time. The best defender is going to be on Paul (the offense has gone through Paul all preseason), Garnett will draw double teams AND pass, and Rondo can get in the paint and kick the ball out. This is a perfect situation for the Jesus.Source URL: https://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/iheartceltics-player-preview-ray-allen.html
Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
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