Alright, so I went to the Wizards-Celtics game the other night at the Verizon Center and I am just getting around to writing about it now. Not topical, you say? Well, considering the Celtics just lost 3 of 4, including 2 in a row to the lowly Wizards, my bitter diatribe will work just fine. Thankfully, the win against the Blazers makes things look a little better, but anyone who watched that game will know what I am talking about. I am going to break this down into a couple parts and try to bring you into my terrible, terrible experience.
1) The venue.
The Verizon Center is in the heart of Chinatown, which in DC is basically one street. On that street, there are exactly zero good Chinese restaurants. Bizarre, I know.
I have no idea what the Verizon Center's reputation is like leaguewide, but that is a badass facility. It's a huge arena with parking underneath right off of the Metro, connected to a classy bar (Clydes), a couple restaurants, a huge movie theatre, and the snobbiest bowling alley ever invented that manages to make me feel badly about myself just by looking at it. Unlike most cities, (ahem, Philly) the arena is right in a nice part of the city you'd actually go even if there wasn't a Celtics game. Amazing, considering that when it was built 10 years ago, the area was bustling with crackheads and prostitutes, now it's bustling with metrosexuals, Bush twins, and idiots wearing Kevin Garnett jerseys. (More on that in a second...)
2) The seats.
Remember when Mark Cuban said that all the seats in an NBA stadium were great, or whatever? I can't really remember the story. Moving on. Keep in mind that Mark Cuban also starred in the Benefactor, a show so bad that nobody has even bothered to chronicle all six episodes on Wikipedia. Point being, Mark Cuban is a billionaire but he's also completely full of sh!t, because we had seats with our asses to the wall and they were terrible. It was like watching somebody play a Game Boy from across the room. I was stoked because I thought I saw Rondo warming up (he's going to play!) and it turned out to be Perkins. The only player I could tell apart from the rest was- you guessed it- Brian Scalabrine. Oh, and former Celtic and Clomper Hall of Famer Darius Songalia. They, um, stick out. I would have gotten better tickets, but they were the only tickets available because of all the idiots wearing Kevin Garnett jerseys. Plus, I'm a moron because I waited until the last second... but I'd rather blame somebody else.
3) The Wizards fans.
DC teams have an interesting fanbase. The reason is that while DC is truly a chocolate city, if you drive 30 miles out, you're practically in Deliverance territory. I always thought it was weird that some people in Connecticut would root for Boston teams, but that doesn't even come close to the range of people that go to Redskins games. I defy you to find a team with a more diametrically opposed fanbase in professional sports. However, everyone seems to get along great, proving the fact that popular sports teams are very, very good for cities. Anyway, I digress. Wizards fans love their team. (I am going to post one of my favorite Youtube clips here to prove that point.)
However, I was lucky enough to be sitting next to a shaved-head hick that wouldn't shut up about how one of the Wizards dancers worked out at his gym. Congratulations, douchebag!
4) The Celtics fans.
This was disappointing, to say the least. When I went to the Celtics game in DC last year, I was one of a handful of people wearing Celtics crap. We were quiet and behaved ourselves. This year, we were subjected to legions of red-faced fatasses faking Boston accents wearing #5 jerseys getting into arguments with Wizards fans and drunkenly talking sh!t before the game started. Now, I am straight outta Worcester County, son, and I have rooted for Boston teams my whole life, but if you're a loud Boston Celtics fan today chances are very good that you're a douche.
Here is a good example of an actual conversation, as far as I can remember correctly:
WIZARDS: Hey, Nick Young is going to be dunkin' on you guys tonight!
CELTICS: Whatever. You want a dunk, go to Gerald Green!
And on. It's been strange to watch a fanbase go from "we're so tortured" in 2004 to the "we're so good, everyone is against us, so we have the right to behave like dicks" in 2008. I mostly blame the Red Sox bandwagon fanbase right after the first World Series win, acting as if a World Series win was akin to pulling the entire New England region out of total despondency. Everyone worldwide found it annoying, so the diehards adopted the "circle the wagons" approach, which was immediately mimicked by all the less intelligent and quasi-devoted bandwagon jumpers who drove the diehards into the defensive position to start with. The bandwagon jumpers overcompensated for their lack of loyalty by becoming turbo-douches, and everything spun out of control. Celtics fans are doing the exact same thing- the only difference being that the Celtics haven't won a championship in two decades and the team is all hype up to this point. So, it's worse. Granted, the loudest fans are the ones you notice, but this development is troubling.
5) The game.
If you want more bitching, read on!
The Celtics lost this one in DC, as you all probably remember. Rondo was out, so Tony Allen ran the point. Tony Allen is fascinating to watch, because he is as good at attacking the basket as pretty much anyone in the league. He goes to the hole like Scalabrine goes after the last donut hole. However, his dribbling is horrendous after four bounces. It gets exponentially worse after four bounces. If he can get the ball, give it one dribble, make a move, and then go to the basket, he's fine. If he has to dribble the ball up the floor, by the time he's setting up the play he's on the verge of being out of control.
The backup backup point guard (Eddie House) has a different set of problems. Every time he touches the ball, he is ready to shoot, and he's as good a streaky shooter as anyone. When he's jacking shots, he's a valuable source of quick points. I would compare him to a George Foreman grill. Simple, quick, and effective, but if you're relying on a George Foreman grill every night of the week, including when you have your parents over, you're struggling. When Eddie House has to run the offense, it's akin to cooking fillet mignon on a George Foreman grill. He's one-dimensional and the results are going to be terrible.
To make matters worse, Paul Pierce looks like he has aged 5 years in the past 5 weeks and his hands have been injected with Novocaine. He has no feel for the ball anymore. He had 6 turnovers in the game, and his near-turnovers-before-getting-bailed-out-by-fortunately-positioned-teammates was in the triple digits. Caron Butler was abusing him the entire game (and the game in Boston, I might add). Paul's first step has slowed dramatically and his jump shot develops slower. I am hoping that Paul is just exhausted, because Doc has been playing him crazy minutes in 15-point wins... but if that's the case, how can we expect Paul to be back on track after 40 more games AND the playoffs? Are you kidding me!?
As for KG, he has the complete opposite problem. When the Celtics began to fall apart completely in the fourth quarter, Doc Rivers had to physically restrain him from flipping out on the sideline. He was so amped up he couldn't even contain himself. It showed on the floor, because he was all over the place. He was SPAZZING, and this is a (pretty much) meaningless regular season game against an above-average opponent! What's going to happen in the playoffs, once the stakes are several times higher!? I wish the Kandi Man was around so we could slip some ganja into KG's Fruity Pebbles or something, because that man needs to chill the f*** out. He can't contain himself when the game gets intense. That leaves Ray Allen as the clutch scorer for the C's, so when he's off... the C's are in trouble. The problem is that the Big 3 on the Celtics all have the same approach down the stretch when the other team has the momentum- they try to make a crazy shot to quiet the crowd. They start shooting tightly contested shots with 10-15 seconds left on the shot clock. It doesn't work. As they are presently constituted, the Celtics are not capable of winning a title.
Here's how I see the Celtics becoming a real contender.
-Rebound better as a team. The Celtics were destroyed on the boards in the Wizards game, and the Wizards basically don't have a power forward on the roster. This can be accomplished by boxing out, which the Celtics inexplicably didn't do at all in this game.
-Develop a spastic second line. This worked great when the Celtics were briefly good in the early '00's. I am thinking this- PG Rondo, SG Tony Allen, SF Posey, PF Big Baby C Powe. (Although Powe is leading the league in turnovers for 48 minutes... maybe Pollard instead) The starters are getting WAY too many minutes, and they also look lazy.
-The Celtics need a veteran backup point guard, or they need to give Gabe some big kid minutes. Why!? THEY DON'T HAVE A BACKUP POINT GUARD ON THE TEAM AND EVERYTHING FALLS APART WHEN RONDO ISN'T IN. This is akin to driving a Ferrari without car insurance. Or worse, being one of the idiots that chooses to go without health insurance when it's otherwise available. If your employer offers you health insurance, IT'S PART OF YOUR COMPENSATION! Not taking it is basically like agreeing to a $3,000 pay cut for no reason, plus if you have to go to the hospital for something serious you will be bankrupted. Pretty smart. Just like choosing to make a title run without a backup point guard.
-Develop a specific endgame strategy. They needed to do this about, oh, during training camp. By this, I mean, make a concerted effort to MOVE the ball around and take high percentage shots. No more dribbling in place for 15 seconds to start a possession. Fallaway jumpers and turnaround hook shots over a double team from 10 feet away is no way to protect a lead.
-Get Paul Pierce 10 hours of sleep a night. Minimum. This is selfish, because I am losing sleep over him looking tired. But it's also in the best interest for the Celtics, because I know he's better than the way he's playing right now.
-Give the hot hand the ball. Eddie House was all the Celtics had going for a stretch, and he was carrying the team. Surprise! Doc took him out. Why, so you could give Ray Allen more chances to brick highly contested and terribly chosen jump shots from 26 feet? The answer: Yes.
All in all, the Celtics have a very, very good team. In fact, they still might be the best team in the league. However, changes need to be made. The good thing is that these changes are possible. These aren't "Gerald Green realizes his potential" changes or even "Doc Rivers learns how to coach" changes. These can be handled by assistant coaches and the players themselves. Hopefully, they will be carried out before April, when the C's come back to DC and I can watch the C's give the Wizards a vengeful beatdown to get them primed for the playoffs. We can only hope.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2008/01/bp-in-dc.html
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