The Celtics play the Rockets tonight, and I must remind you that their starting center, Dikembe Mutumbo, is an old-ass dude. Back when he was drafted out of Georgetown, his home country was still called
Zaire. His rookie year was 1991- back during the first Gulf War was a-goin' on, when the Super Nintendo was coming out, Bill Clinton was announcing he was running for president, and when Anita Hill was arguing with Clarence Thomas' about pubic hairs on sodas. Dikembe was taken with the fourth pick out of Georgetown in 1991- here is what other people in his draft class are doing today.
Larry Johnson (1st pick)- After his Grandma-ma days ended in the mid-90's, Johnson became a plodding pre-Antoine Walker chucker from the outside. He had some great games, he banked in three pointers, he converted outrageously called four-point plays, he called the Knicks a team of "rebellious slaves", he made that annoying LJ arm symbol again and again at the weirdest possible moments, and Bill Walton once said that his play was a "disgrace to the game of basketball." Johnson contemplated a comeback with (who else!?) the Knicks in a "leadership role" in 2007, but the Knicks decided that they were too happy with the inspired play of Quentin Richardson to make room for him.
Kenny Anderson (2nd pick)- We love him for what he did for the Celtics, he last played in 2005, and these days he is coaching for the Atlanta Krunk. Awesome. He is also known for giving an assload of his assets to the Real World castmember he married and raising a daughter named Christenese that he had with DJ Spinderella from Salt 'n Peppa.
Billy Owens (3rd pick)- Never lived up to expectations, but his
Wikipedia page goes far beyond my wildest expectations with this nugget about his current activities: "He currently resides in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania and has three children, 5'10", 12 year old Billie, 4'6", 7 year old Chaz and his twin sister, 4'5" skyla. He is married to Nicole Owens." Whoever tracked down the height of each of Billy Owens' children, I salute you.
Steve Smith (5th pick)- Perhaps the greatest NBA Player of All Time That Ran With a Limp, this knock-kneed three point threat hobbled around the court as if he got rapped in the knees by Tonya Harding's boyfriend every morning. Regardless, he had a stellar NBA career and after retiring in 2005, he has worked as an announcer for the Hawks and has also recently gave $2.5 million to his alma mater, Michigan State, who immediately took the money and stuffed it into the backseat of a Hummer they were giving to a five-star recruit.
Doug Smith (6th pick)- Bill Walton said that he was going to be the "next Karl Malone," but this former Celtic only averaged 8ppg until he was out of the league in 1999. I would have more information on him, but Doug Smith happens to be the most generic name of all time making him impossible to Google. I do know that he has played professionally in Canada as recently as 2005.
Luc Longley(7th pick)- Most well known for getting stung by scorpions while sorting his CD collection, Longley has been out of the league since 2001.
Stacey Augmon (9th pick)- Amazingly, this mediocre player played in the NBA as recently as 2007, when he was waived by the Nuggets. "The Plastic Man" had an incredible amount of hype when Bill Walton proclaimed on draft night, "Russell begat Kareem, Kareem begat Magic, and so Magic has begat the Plastic Man." Unfortunately, Augmon never lived up to his nickname, but he did have a decent career and also managed to name one of his kids "Justice."
Brian Williams (10th pick)- Brian Williams used to hang out with Billy Corgan, who said that Williams was a terrible, terrible singer in what amounts to be one of the strangest insults of all time. Williams changed his name to Bison Dele, retired in 2000 while leaving over $30 million at the table, and was allegedly murdered at sea by his psychotic con artist brother in 2002.
Stanley Roberts (23rd pick)- This dude was kicked out of the league for drugs in
1999. Lord knows what he's been up to since then.
Rick Fox (24th pick)- This Canadian, ADD-riddled, sex addict sissypants is best known for getting into slap fights with Doug Christie and his psychotic wife. He is also known for banging strangers, spending 2 1/2 hours on his hair every morning, and general douchebaggery.
Randy Brown (31st pick)- This former Celtic was best known for being a spazzoid during MJ's second three-peat and being the star player on one of the most horrific teams of all time (the post-lockout Bulls), but now he's an assistant coach for the Sacramento Kings.
Doug Overton (40th pick)- this former Celtic is now an assistant coach at Delonte West's alma mater (though I doubt Delonte graduated), St. Joseph's in Philly.
Richard Dumas (46th pick)- Got off to a strong start in the NBA by getting suspended for his first season for drug abuse. It didn't get much better from there, but he continued an overseas and USBL career until 2003.
Ike Austin (48th pick)- After coming back from a very successful tenure in Turkey, Austin won the Most Improved Player in 1997. He was then signed to an outrageously ridiculous contract by the Orlando Magic and promptly sucked for the rest of his career. Last we heard he was coaching for the Utah Snowbears in the ABA.
Zan Tabak (51st pick)- It is difficult to differentiate between tall, pasty, uncoordinated, foreign-sounding white clompers that played for the Celtics in the 1990's. Zan Tabak was one of them, and he actually kept playing long after his Celtic days of running around aimlessly like a wind-up toy. He won a Spanish league championship in 2005 and has been working as an international scout for the Knicks. Whatever they are paying him, it's not enough!
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Hello, babydolls! Alex and I got back from Tulum, Mexico last night, and it was amazing. White beaches, crystal clear water, snorkeling...now I understand why people take beachy vacations. Alex swam like a little fish for hours every day, and the food -- margaritas, guacamole, fish tacos -- was fresh and spicy and incredible. It was such a relaxing and romantic trip, and I wish we could fly right back. More photos here...
