MEET PJ BROWN

The Celtics signed him weeks ago, it's about time we gave him his due and wrote his I*Heart*Celtics profile.

Real Name: Not PJ. Call him Collier Brown, Jr. Where the "PJ" comes from, I don't know, but I can affirm that he's not named after Eddie Murphy's claymation show. He should be. I loved that show!

Other Famous PJ's: PJ Harvey, PJ O'Rourke, my NASA PJ's when I was a kid

Born In: America's city- Detroit! How the hell Detroit got to host the Super Bowl will vex me until the day I die. I think the only person that has loved life in Detroit was their mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, who was allegedly slipping it to his top aide... he was having a blast until he got charged with a felony. Buzzkill!

Birthday: October 14, 1969. Why does that date ring a bell? Why, because it's the same day the United Kingdom introduced the fifty-pence coin!
Looks Like:"Mars Attacks" alien.

FUN FACT! Favorite actor is Denzel Washington!

Grew up in: Louisiana.

College: Louisiana Tech. The list of alumni reveals that many of the most annoying people in the world came from this school. Karl "Whispering Gibberish at the Free Throw Line" Malone, Terry "Meth-addict Attention Span" Bradshaw, religious wackjob placekicker Matt Stover, and USC head coach who gives scholarships to Master P's kids/asswipe Tim Floyd. If it wasn't for Theresa Weatherspoon putting the WNBA on the map to stay with her persistent roof-raising, Louisiana Tech would have a sullied national reputation.

Drafted: 29th in the 1992 draft. (Hilarious/notable names in that year's draft that we mention all the damn time on this blog- Big Aristotle, TODD FREAKING DAY, half-assed former Celtic Tom Gooooooogliotta, Harold Miner, Doug Christie, Oliver Miller, Latrell, AND, last but not least, the Bat Boy himself, Popeye Jones.)

One more thing. Who was drafted 10th overall that year? You guessed it. Adam Keefe.

After being drafted by the Nets, PJ Played With: Panionios, in Greece.

Who were the stars of the Nets when he played with them: Derrick Coleman, Kenny Anderson, and Drazen Petrovic. I know, I know, I am forgetting someone... IHeartCeltics lifetime achievement award winner Dwayne Schintzius! Here's a quote from Wikipedia that I enjoyed:


The team struggled through the rest of the decade. During the mid-1990s the NBA's main image problem was that of the selfish, immature athlete and if one wanted to see a team that embodied that image, all one had to do was look at the Nets. In 1995, Coleman was featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated as the poster child of the selfish NBA player, but with Anderson, Benoit Benjamin, Dwayne Schintzius and Chris Morris also on the roster, there were plenty of candidates for SI to choose from. The team's image was so poor that in an effort to shed its losing image, management considered renaming the team "Swamp Dragons" in 1995, but rejected the idea. In both the 1994-95 and 1995-96 seasons, the Nets finished with identical 30-52 records.


What the f#$% is a Swamp Dragon!? Glad you asked. Apparently, they "are small, fly badly and tend to explode, due to the generation of various flammable gases in their internal plumbing" and have "corrosive saliva". Also, just so you know, "A male Swamp Dragon is called...a cock between eight and fourteen months, a snood between fourteen months and two years, and a cobb between two years and death."

The more you know. Of course, nothing helps a franchise's image more than slapping a "swamp dragon" logo on Derrick Coleman's chest! After 8 months, he would, officially, be a cock.

Back to PJ Brown!

Known for: Defense. Collier is a three-time NBA Defensive Second Team. He was one of the heavy-handed enforcers for the mind-numbingly awful Knicks-Heat rivalry. Remember, back in the day, when Pat Riley did everything in his power to destroy the game of basketball by walking the ball up the floor at all times, posting up Tim Hardaway ad nauseum, and fouling the ever-loving sh!t out of anyone that gets within 20 feet of the basket. Alonzo was the sheriff, and PJ was his loyal deputy. PJ is third among active players in fouls, and 51st alltime.

Biggest Controversy: PJ has won a sportsmanship award, in 2004, so he has a pretty squeaky clean image... so people think. I feel the need to remind everyone of those horrible, horrendous Heat-Knicks games once again. In 1997, during game 5 of the Eastern Conference semifinals, with the Heat down 3 games to 2, PJ bodyslammed the bajeezus out of Charlie Ward and incited a bench-clearing brawl. In David Stern's infinite wisdom, he suspended some of the Knicks for Game 6 and other for Game 7. Surprising no one, the Knicks lost both games and the series. I still think that PJ was ordered to start a fight, but that's mostly because I think Pat Riley's loose morals, ruthless desire to win, hatred for the Knicks organization, and hatred for the game of basketball in general gave him more than enough reasons to order the hit. Likewise, PJ Brown's otherwise calm demeanor yet lockstep loyalty to his franchise would make him the perfect man for the job. Of course, the strategy worked. The saddest part of this story is that David Stern still hasn't learned his lesson about suspending people for "leaving the bench area," perhaps the most useless and easily abused rule in the universe. Since this incident, PJ has won a bunch of sportsmanship awards in the NBA, which I didn't even knew existed until I underwent this exhaustive research project regarding the man.

HIS OFFENSIVE GAME: PJ Brown is the only member of the Celtics that will never have an explosive offensive performance under any circumstances. Let's put it this way- he averaged 10 points per game AT LOUISIANA TECH. I don't even know what conference they're in. He can hit the mid-range jumper, utilizing a Marcus Camby-esque release. If I ever see the Celtics run a play for him, I will immediately stick my head in the oven. He's a solid offensive player, but he's more in the "he won't screw up" category instead of the "you have to guard the crap out of this guy or he will murder you" category. That being said, he's one of the more useful players to have on the bench because he can do pretty much everything you need at a sufficient level.

SUMMARY:
PJ is a good dude that will do whatever you ask him to do. He will stick an elbow jumper, grab a tough rebound, or layeth the smacketh down. He's made $70 million dollars in the league and he knows how to run things.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2008/03/meet-pj-brown.html
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