Sunday, May 4, 2008

ORDER RESTORED


    CELTICS BLOW OUT CRAPPIEST PLAYOFF TEAM IN NBA HISTORY, TAKE SERIES IN 7 GAMES, 3 OF WHICH TOOK 7 YEARS OFF MY LIFE

    Thank the basketball gods that series is over. The Celtics went apesh!t on the Hawks this afternoon- I was wondering if the Hawks would break the mythical 60-point barrier. How the Celtics let the Hawks make this a seven game series I will explain now:

    1) The Hawks shot so many more free throws than the Celtics that the Elias sports bureau exploded. The disparity cannot be calculated by traditional methods, although physicists at MIT have theorized that we will be able to calculate it once we figure out exactly what dark matter is.

    2) The Hawks' playing style- charge the rim and flop- has been proven over and over again to work in the playoffs. See Dwayne Wade's career if you need more convincing. It put the Celtics into foul trouble, got the easily combustible members of the C's (i.e. Pierce) fired up enough to do stupid crap, and allowed the Hawks to shoot all day and all night from the charity stripe.

    3) The Celtics had a meltdown on the glass when on the road. Since they have played well on the road all season (remember the Texas Triangle?), I am chalking this up to an aberration. The Hawks got lots of second-chance points which, combined with the free throw shooting, allowed them to shoot mediocre to poor from the field and still win the game.

    4) Sam Cassell plays well one out of every three games, approximately, and when he's off he is an abomination. Yet, he plays about the same amount of minutes regardless of how he's performing on the court. Which brings me to my final point-

    5) The Celtics have the worst playoff coach this year. From guarding a red-hot Joe Johnson with their worst perimeter defender to not drawing up a three pointer for someone that shoots better than 25% from distance when down by three with five seconds left, Doc Rivers has consistently demonstrated crappy preparation, nonexistent adjustments throughout tight games, and an asinine substitution pattern. THANKFULLY, the Celtics are playing against a coach that is almost on Doc's level in terms of ineptitude. Additionally, aside from Lebron James, the Cavs are not nearly as athletic or motivated as the Hawks. I'm yet to be convinced that the Cavs have the ability to exploit the weaknesses allegedly exposed in this series.




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