Full Name: Unknown Nickname: Perk Former Nickname: Swamp Thing Looks Like: Swamp Thing Occupation: Beast Second Result When Misspelling Kendrick Perkins and instead Googling "Kedrick Perkins": This High School: Clifton J. Ozen High School Stat Line Senior Year: 27.5 points, 16.4 rebounds, 7.8 blocked shots per game Nickname In High School: Baby Shaq College Choice If He Hadn't Gone Pro: Memphis Reasons to go to Memphis: None Things Basketball Players do at Memphis: Throw money at people, punch security guards, incite riots. Number of times he smiles per year: 3.1 Name of Longtime Girlfriend: Vanity Name of Baby Beast: Kendrick Perkins II Interesting Article About High-School-Aged Perk Written By Some Dude Who Had Probably Just Watched Hoop Dreams: Here
Sweet Interview by the Perkisabeast boys:
What You Should Do If You Don't Love Perk After Watching That Video: Kill yourself
Season Preview: This will happen roughly 800 times.
Perk has a lot to prove, but has plenty of inspiration to play hard. Nearly every scouting report and season preview I've read has listed Perk as the worst starting center in the Eastern Conference, so right off the bat Perk will be hungry to prove that no man named Zaza is better than him. The Celtics extended Perk's contract last year through 2011, so he knows the team is loyal to him. Now Perk has to put some more effort in, go after every board as if it was made of gold and he was on welfare, and not get into foul trouble in the first quarter (early fouls are his biggest weakness).Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
While normally I find Marc Stein about as delightful as he is skinny, I have to stand up for the man. Despite all the publicity and magazine covers the new "big 3" are getting, everyone and their grandmother is still hating on them in the pre-season rankings. You would be hard-pressed to find them ranked #1 in the Atlantic Division let alone in the East. For example, this months SLAM (has Garnett on the cover) rankings youll find the Nets and Jason Collins' fat @ss sitting on top of the Cetltics in the Atlantic Division. I know that Jamaal Magloire knows how to bring it and will light a fire under the Nets.... Oh wait, I'm thinking of Kevin Garnett. Magloire has sucked for about 5 years now and by the end of the season he's going to have "Perk's B*tch" tatooed on his face.
Anyway, Marc Stein is moving up the iheartceltics power rankings of the non-retarded as he lists the Celtics at #3 coming into the season after only the Suns and the Spurs. Thats pretty decent company. After the Celtics comes Dallas, Houston, and then the Pistons are the next Eastern Conference team, followed by the Jazz. While compared with other rankings this seems genorous, yet anyone who has watched the Celtics play pre-season knows this is where they will end up barring injuries. If I hear anyone mention the Nets, Heat, or Cavs in the same sentence as the Celtics I will vommit on my shoes. Marc Stein, Iheartyourbigfatface.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Real Name: Ronald Born in: Baton Rouge, LA (#7 on my list of places I will never, ever visit, right between #8 Antarctica and #6 Tehran) Height: 6'9" Weight: 3 bills Disturbing Habit: Getting hit by cars High School: University HS, Baton Rouge, LA College: LSU Good Nickname: Big Baby Awful and Misleading Nickname: Baby Shaq. He's fatter, slower, less athletic, and less explosive than Shaq. If anyone from Celticsblog wants to argue with me over this- check out this video of Shaq at LSU. He was outrageous.
Career: Big Baby had a great sophomore year in college, when the LSU Tigers made it to the final four. He botched the semifinal, however, missing almost everything from the field and fouling out. People were talking about him being a top-10 pick. Wisely, he chose to return to college (probably to take 4 credit hours a semester in General Studies), get in a car accident, get triple teamed all season, lead the team to a terrible record and drop into the second round of the draft. Good choice!
Random Youtube Gem #1: Big Baby swing dancing at a pep rally!
Random Youtube Gem #2: Big Baby scratching!
Youtube Clip That Made Me Dislike Big Baby:
Season Preview: Big Baby appears to be a big-time dick. His interview with the Perkisabeast dudes did not make him look good, IMHO. Actually, he looked like an oversensitive, unintelligent, pampered sissy whose cheeks are so fat he can't speak properly. Plus, I resent the fact that I am forced to like this guy just because he's too lazy to do a sit-up. It irritates me that Big Baby's JOB is to play basketball yet he shows up looking like he's smuggling Big Macs in every fold of fat on his body. Get in shape, fatass. Your vertical leap makes Dan Dickau look like Harold Minor. Get on a Kate Moss diet and you're taking Perkins' minutes. Keep eating like you're preparing for a winterlong hibernation and you'll be taking D-League minutes.
However, I will admit that I was fired up when the Celtics drafted him. In fact, I remember thinking that it was the part of the Ray Allen trade that tipped the scales in the Celtics' favor. Additionally, he has looked outstanding in the preseason. Sullivan told me that he saw him play in person and he was "surprisingly athletic", and Sullivan knows what he's talking about. Big Baby fills a role that the Celtics desperately need, and that role is "keep Scot Pollard off the floor". He stays close to the block, which is good for spacing on offense, and he tries really, really hard. I hope he continues to develop as quickly as he appears to be right now and works his way into the regular rotation. I know Nic will always be sad that the Celtics botched their "freakishly athletic fatass" search and drafted Big Baby and not the incredible athletic powerhouse Yokozuna, but I think Ronald will deliver enough Banzai drops to change his mind. Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Nicknames: KG, The Kid, The Franchise, The Big Ticket Born in: South Carolina High School: Farragut Career Academy (Chicago) Married to: Brandi Padilla (2004) Wife Related To: Jimmy Jam KG's Cousin Is: Shammond Williams Wears: Rubber bands Donated: $1.2 million to Oprah's Hurricane Katrina fund Looks Like: Skeletor Tattoos: 2, one that says "KG" and the other that says "Blood, Sweat & Tears" Website: http://www.kevingarnett.com/ Fan of: Soccer (especially the EPL) Random Quote: "To the fact that you can't really speak to the ref and the refs don't want to hear it, that's almost like communism. That's like Castro, you know what I'm saying?" Awards: 10-time All-Star, 8-time All-NBA, 8-time All-Defense, 1-time league MVP, Olympic Gold Medalist (2000) Random Quote #2: "This is it. It's for all the marbles. I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, I'm loading up the Uzis, I've got a couple of M-16s, couple of nines, couple of joints with some silencers on them, couple of grenades, got a missile launcher. I'm ready for war." Criticisms: Overpaid, folds down the stretch, anorexia posterboy
Random YouTube Clip: KG growing up, set to two of the most annoying songs of all time
Life Story: Kevin Garnett appears to have been intense from birth. He grew up in South Carolina and then spent his senior year in Chicago. He came straight out of high school before it was popular, and he made the transition pretty smoothly, although oddly enough he was only a second team all-rookie his first year. Who won ROY that season? You guessed it- Damon Stoudemire. He had a bunch of great individual seasons, signed a contract that practically bankrupted his small-market team, flopped a couple times in the playoffs, was rumored to be traded a couple times every season (it seems), bitterly rejected the very concept of getting traded to the C's, then accepted it once the C's got Ray Allen. Then, in a surreal ESPN spot shot in Italy, he proclaimed that they were "the Ceatles" and that he was Paul.
Legal History: The reason KG left South Carolina was because he was arrested in some kind of race-related fight. He was not directly involved, according to Wikipedia, but he was arrested anyway. So, he decided to get the hell out of South Carolina because he didn't want any more drama. Details are sketchy, but chances are if he did anything too bad, someone would have noticed the 7-foot, 95 pound basketball superstar breaking the law. Since no one fingered him, he walked away.
He has also been suspended for getting in some seriously sissy-looking fights. He got elbowed in the face by Anthony Peeler back in the day. He also got in this one with McDyess.
While we're on the subject of really wussy fights, here's the one with Matt Bonner!
But, in a disturbing trend, I would even call it SCANDELOUS, all the great NBA fight videos are being taken down by the NBA for copyright violations. DAMMIT I hate that little troll David Stern.
Season Prediction: If the preseason is any indication, and it is, KG is going to have an insane year. Insane. He still has his unparalleled intensity. Now, here's the difference- instead of passing to the Kandi Man, he's dishing to Perk, who is going to shoot close to 100% from the field because ALL he does is dunk now. Also, he has two of the finest perimeter scorers of his generation ready for the kickout. Additionally, the Eastern Conference is a joke compared to the West, especially when it comes to power forwards. Obviously, his stats won't be as big because he is splitting the pie three ways, but his player efficiency numbers will be absurd. However, I will not be satisfied with KG's season until he slaps at someone like ARod running the basepaths. I feel that I am owed at least one glorified game of grabass on the court.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Full name: James Mikely Mantell Posey, Jr. Born in: Cleveland High School: Chamberlin High School in Twinsburg, Ohio College: Xavier Teams Played For: Nuggets, Rockets, Grizzlies, Heat, Celtics Team Hated By: Bulls Height: 6'8" Weight: 217-300lbs Most Remembered by BP for: This video
Criminal History: Posey will serve a one-game suspension for a DUI arrest. He pled "no contest" to a reckless driving charge, and in a move no doubt inspired by Senator Larry Craig, gave us this quote: “This is a case where we need to make sure the NBA has all the information. Once they learn all the facts and what really happened, they will eliminate the suspension.” You pled guilty, dumbass.
NBA Crime History: Posey is a defensive specialist, which basically means that he commits flagrant fouls at the most random of times. He has been suspended a couple times, mostly for tackling members of the Chicago Bulls. Two of them led to one-game suspensions. Here's one example:
Weird Controversy: He has struggled with weight problems throughout his career, most notably when he was reprimanded (along with Antoine) for being overweight on the Heat. He was deactivated for a game. This guy gets fat in a hurry. He is also the skinniest guy with a weight problem I have ever seen.
Why Did The Celtics Get Him?: He has plenty of on-the-court attributes. First, if it weren't for Master Bruce, he would the biggest dickhead defensive player in the league. That's the main reason- the Celtics have to face off against Bron Bron, Agent Zero, Dwayne, and maybe Kobe all season long. They need a guy who can get in their faces, and as Mr. Hoffman would say, find out what flavor of gum they are chewing. He can also shoot the three and rebound on the weakside. He is basically one of the decent "glue guys" in the league. We thought we had our "glue guy" in Scalabrine, but all he does is eat glue.
Prediction for the Season: Posey will get suspended at least one more time for beating the piss out of a Chicago Bull. (Hopefully, it will be Kobe Bryant.) He will have a couple big games, but I'm hoping that Tony Allen takes him minutes because although they're both criminals, I like Tony about 7000% more. However, Posey was a very good signing for the Celtics and he will do much more good than harm, as long as he doesn't plow into someone at 4am while hammered off his ass.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Jackie Manuel and Dahntay Jones (version 2) were cut the other day, bringing the team's roster to 14. At the same time, Antoine was traded to a team that will suck (T-Wolves). Immediately, we all wondered whether Antoine will be bought out and then join the C's. I doubt this will happen, and I hope it doesn't. Here is why-
1) Antoine was once spry. Now he is fat. His head has grown like Barry Bonds, and it's not because he's getting illegal shipments of HGH, it's because he has been rumored to have a fully-functioning Krispy Kreme restaurant in his living room. We already have Veal and Big Baby, and unless Doc wants to have a better offensive line for when the Celtics scrimmage the Patriots in practice, I don't see how having another guy that can't waddle for 15 seconds without grabbing his knees and wheezing will help. Riley was constantly on his ass to get in shape, and he pretty much never did. How would 'Toine respond to having chocolate sauce put in his water bottles like Big Baby? He would be at Oliver Miller size in two weeks.
2) Eddie House has the job of "chucker" pretty well taken care of. Getting these two on the same team would turn games into old-school McDonald's commercials, only with Antoine attacking the Big Mac like a crackhead in need of a fix.
3) We don't need another ego to disrupt the delicate balance. I'm already nervous about this, and have been since KG said in an interview that the C's were "the Ceatles" and he was "Paul" while P2 sat there looking pissed. I love Antoine, and I know he's gotten a bad rap before, but anyone who thinks that playing in Miami has humbled him is delusional. He has the same shot selection, he just plays fewer minutes! And playing fewer minutes just makes him chubbier! If you don't believe me, head on over to basketball-reference. Per 40 minutes, he shot as many threes as he did at any point in his career, and do you want to know what percentage he shot? You guessed it- 27.5%. Ouch. (I could take this into a separate argument- Why Pat Riley is the most overrated bastard ever- but that's for another day.)
4) I don't see where he would play on the floor.
5) He has never been capable of playing defense.
Basically, if the Celtic want a fat egomaniac that plays no defense and takes tons of terrible shots, Antoine Walker is their man! He basically brings to the table NOTHING that the Celtics need. The Celtics need more discipline, better shot selection, better passing, and better defense. If you're looking to Antoine Walker to give you these things, prepare to be wallowing in a mud pit with him come playoff time.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Born: Statesboro, Georgia High School: Silver Bluff HS, South Carolina College: South Carolina Height: 6'9" Nickname: they call him "The Wall." Nothing gets past the wall!
Life story: Wallace was born in Georgia but moved at some point to South Carolina. Details are murky. However, he led his Silver Bluff HS team to its first state title his senior year, hitting a buzzer-beater to win the title game. His senior year he averaged 21.9 points, 15.7 rebounds, 4.5 assists, and 4.3 blocks per game. I know, it's outrageous. He was a McDonald's All-American and for reasons I will never understand, decided to go to South Carolina. He didn't do much outstanding, not even averaging 10 points per game, but he made a good showing in Las Vegas, when people realized that he had been playing out of position for 4 years. Pretty good coaching at South Carolina....
Criminal history: This appears to be completely clean! Way to go, Brandon!
Youtube Gems: Brandon getting his groove on.
Perkisabeast interview:
(Featuring the classic quote from Big Baby- "Immortality... I'm all for it.")
Prediction: Until James Posey was signed, everyone was talking about how Brandon Wallace was going to be the first rookie off the bench. Now, Ainge is talking about him going to the D-League, which is never a good sign. However, the Celtics would be CRAZY to get rid of him because he is a high-energy, rebounding, shot blocking psychopath on the floor. He is Declerq with more than a 4-inch vertical, minus the third-grader haircut. We predict that Brandon Wallace will have few opporunities on the floor, but he will bring the PAIN when he gets out there.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Born: Los Angeles, CA High School: Westchester HS in LA Race: African-American, if you can trust Wikipedia on such a topic Looks Like: Ronaldinho as a little kid Nickname: Smilin' Gabe Height: 6'4" Position: PG/SG Drafted: 32nd overall by the Celtics, 2007
Career: Pruitt was a Parade All-American in 2004 coming out of high school, and for some reason chose to go to USC, alma mater of Harold Minor and Brian Scalabrine. Along with fellow freshman (and current Washington Wizard) Nick Young, he was team MVP. He led the team in scoring, assists, and steals, and made the Pac-10 All-Freshman team. His sophomore year was also successful- he was second on the team in scoring and made All-Conference. In his junior year, he managed to make himself academically ineligible and missed the first 13 games of the season. Making yourself academically ineligible at USC was previously thought impossible. He had a decent junior season and then went pro to avoid having to deal with turbodouche OJ Mayo.
On the Celtics: Pruitt is the de facto backup point guard simply because he is the only player on the team other than Rondo to specialize at the position. However, he seems destined for the D-League this season because he looks about as comfortable on the court as Eddie Curry does in a spin class.
Specialty: Pruitt is a good long-range shooter and defender. He averaged about 2 steals per game last year. He also had a 3:1 assist-to-turnover ratio in the tournament. Pruitt is kind of a jack-of-all-trades, doing everything pretty well but nothing outstanding.
Controversies: The biggest was getting named academically ineligible. Also, he was the victim of an elaborate prank when he planned to meet up with a fictional UCLA coed after a game and the coed turned out to be the entire student body mocking him. Smilin' Gabe was sad.
Youtube Gem: Pruitt and Nick Young on Jim Rome is burning.
Prediction: I will forget that Gabe Pruitt is on the Celtics for the first half of the season, then he will slowly come along to be a DWest-style do-everything once a couple injuries hit the C's. I actually have high hopes for Smilin' Gabe, but he is going to come along slowly this year.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Full Name: Scot L. Pollard Height: 6'11" Grew up in: Murray, Utah Formerly: Morman Convicted of: "Grand Theft" (according to the douche who made this website) Father's Name: Pearl “Poison” Pollard Tattoos: On his back it reads, "Son of Poison" College: Kansas Drafted: 19th overall in 1997 by the Pistons Looks Like: Evil Dead's Bruce Campbell Favorite Car: 1972 Cadillac convertible Name of said Favorite Car: Marvin College Major: Education Famous Educational Quote: "Hey Kids, Do Drugs." Funnier Quote: “Great play, Tom Chambers! High Ten!” “High Ten, Jon Koncak!!”
Many things have been said about Scot Pollard. The best of which were said here and here. He's an overzealous yet ultimately friendly creature. He used to always say "hi" to us and give us a thumbs up when we called his name at the Fleet. I wouldn't look for him to have much more of a role than Kandi-Man did last year. He may have game or two where he scores 10 points and grabs 5 rebounds and everyone will cheer for him, but like Michael Doleac is to Mark Madsen, he's basically someone to go bowling with Scalabrine on the road.
The Heat have apparently traded the robust Antoine Walker, Wayne Simien, and Michael Doleac for Ricky Davis and Mark "20 and 12" Blount.
Has Pat Riley gone completely nuts? Let's break this thing down.
I don't see how this helps the Heat at all. Ricky Davis, who acts like there is one second on the shot clock every time he touches the ball (including off of inbounds passes), is basically a crappy version of Dwayane Wade. Mark Blount is the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of the NBA: Ugly, annoying, and detested by everyone around him.
The Wolves get a bit of a mish-mash. Simien was good at Kansas, although I can't remember him doing anything in the NBA. Walker is, well, overweight, shoots too much, and looks like a panda, although he's a good captain figure, and will be familiar with some of the ex-Celtics on the Wolves. Michael Doleac was probably added to the deal to give Mark Madsen someone to bowl with on road trips.
Full Name: Edward L. House Grew up in: Berkely, CA College: Arizona State Arizona State Acceptance Rate: 86.1% Drafted: 37th overall, Miami Heat, 2000 Lame-ass Nickname: E-House Looks Like: Scar from the Lion King
Life Story: Eddie House is a mysterious figure with a murky past. The past remains murky because I don't want to waste an extra five minutes researching it. From what I can tell, he grew up in Berkely and was such an academic powerhouse that he chose to go to Arizona State. While at Arizona State, he trademarked his "shoot every f#$%& time I touch the ball" strategy. He continued to perfect this style in the NBA, reaching his pinnacle with the Phoenix Suns. He has bounced around the league, and somewhere along the line he married Mike "Bat Boy" Bibby's sister. I'm sure she's pretty hot...
With the Celtics: Danny Ainge signed him with the intention of making him the backup point guard. Odd, considering that House attempts more outrageous and unnecessary shots than ANYONE in the league, including longtime Ainge nemesis Antoine Walker. It was a strange move. It was something like recruiting Eric Musselman to be your designated driver or Ruben Patterson to be your babysitter.
Obligatory Youtube Clip: There aren't a lot of Eddie House highlight reels to choose from, but there are a hell of a lot more than Brandon Wallace. Here's one with an irritating rap song (shocker) blaring in the background.
Season Prediction: I will remember every crappy shot Eddie House takes all season and conveniently forget anything good he does. Then I will get in a big argument with Nic, who will insist that Eddie House is the most underrated player in league history.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Hometown: Louisville, KY High School: Eastern HS, Oak Hill Academy Most Assists In a Game While At Oak Hill: 31 Most Known For: Having ET's hands Nickname: "Johnny" Why He Has That Nickname: No idea College: University of Kentucky College He Would Have Attended If It Weren't For Sebastian Telfair: Louisville Looks Like: Petrie from A Land Before Time Blog: http://www.yardbarker.com/rajonrondo Favorite TV Show: Will & Grace Friendship Severed Because of Affinity for Said Show: Tim Hardaway Favorite Words: "Coo", "Holla" Favorite Rapper's Most Difficult Legal Trouble: Rondo loves TI, who is currently in lockdown in Atlanta after trying to buy machine guns and silencers in a shopping center parking lot before the BET awards. I also want to take this opportunity to point out my new favorite website: mediatakeout.com. It's amazing how honkey-centric most celebrity gossip sites are, which is too bad. Anyway, back to Rondo.
Random Youtube Gem: Pwnd!!!
Life Story: Rajon grew up in Lexington, KY. He seems to have had a pretty normal upbringing, and he was pretty much a sick basketball player from birth. He spent his senior season at Oak Hill Academy. (BTW, check out their alumni.) He was outrageous at Oak Hill, was a McDonald's All-American, and was planning to go to Louisville, his hometown school. Unfortunately, Rick Pitino was committed to Sebastian Telfair. It made Rajon bitter, so he went to Kentucky. Bassie went pro, and Pitino went to buy another $8,000 suit.
At Kentucky: Even though his recruiting class was rated #1 in the country in 2004, Kentucky didn't do great with Rondo on the team. They were okay, but Tubby Smith couldn't have used Rondo worse. He let a fat white kid waddle the ball up the floor and toss the ball into a plodding center with troglodyte-level intelligence. Meanwhile, Rondo was forced to jog around the perimeter hoping for an offensive rebound. He went pro after his sophomore year and was taken by the Suns and then quickly traded to the Celtics... and we thank them daily when we make our daily sacrificial offerings to the basketball gods.
As a Celtic: Rondo had a great rookie campaign when he got minutes last year- he averaged 11 points, 6 assists, 6 rebounds, and almost 3 assists per 40 minutes... as a rookie.
Season Preview: Rondo is the starter and, since there is no backup point, the backup point guard for the season. He's in charge of running what could be the most prolific offense of the decade. So far in the preseason, he has been amazing. We predict that he will have a BOMB year. He'll stay coo and we know he'll holla.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
JK. Its the buttcrack of New England as evident by the the Celtics pre-season game at the Worecester Centrum against the Nets on Friday that was cancelled at half-time because water was leaking through the floor from the hockey rink. To stop the passionate Worecester fans from rioting, the Celtics players and coaches spent 20 minutes signing autographs and taking pictures on the floor after the cancellation. While most fans were irrate, I was actually quite pleased for a few reasons: 1) Jason Kidd, Richard Jefferson, Vince Carter, Nenic Kristic were not even at the game. Im not sure if they feared for their safety or are just total man-ginas. Needless to say the Nets starting line-up looked more fit for High School Musical 2 than the NBA . The most high profile players were Josh Boone and Mateen Cleaves. I would have rather had Jason Collins sit on my head for 24 minutes.I was happy to leave. 2) They refunded all tickets. Regardless of the cancellation, I would have been pissed to have paid money to see this game. 3) I got this sweet picture of Doc Rivers. I blew this up and put it on my wall. That is not true, but it does make for a good photoshopping template.
4) The players were slipping all over the court. As much as I was enjoying the KG Jason Collins match-up, with a roster loaded with older or injury prone players (Tony Allen, Perk, etc..), I was willing to cut my evening short to ensure the future of the team. I didnt want Scal to pull a hammy.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Today, at long last, Alex and I are off to Berlin! Thank you to everyone for the great tips on cool places to eat, things to do and sights to see. Can't wait to hit the streets and hang out with dudes like these....
We're going to rip through the entire roster- one player a day- starting with Ray Allen.
Name: Ray Allen Good Nickname: Jesus Lame ones: Ray Ray, Sugar Ray Looks Like: A turtle Talks exactly like: Joe Morgan Height: 6'5" Position: SG
Life story: Born in California, went to high school in South Carolina, was a two-time All-American at UConn, as well as Big East Player of the Year. He was drafted by the T-Wolves, then immediately traded to the Bucks for Stephon Marbury. He was then traded to the Sonics basically for Desmond Mason. Then, he was basically traded to the Celtics for Wally World and Jeff Green. He is a 7-time NBA all-star and he won a gold medal in Sydney in 2000. Also, according to Basketball Reference, he has a decent shot at being a Hall of Famer. (He's right behind Paul Pierce, in fact!)
Specialty: The jump shot. He is a Three-Point contest champ and averages about 40 percent shooting from distance. People love his jump shot. Everyone raves about how beautiful it is. In fact, it will probably get annoying after a while. It's "silky smooth", it's "deadly", it's "beautiful", it's "jaw-dropping". If you replaced the word "jump shot" with the word "penis", ESPN would be the most explicit sh!t you've ever heard.
Celtics career: Thus far he has played very well in the preseason, including a stellar 11-14 shooting night a little while back. Allen figures to be the third option behind Pierce and Garnett, but he has been getting a lot of shots from the weak side, which is where Wally was supposed to be lights out but never really materialized. Allen won't get a lot of plays called for him, but he will have the opportunity to score a lot of points.
Past criminal activity: Once got in a loud altercation with some psycho that owns a gym in Connecticut. Was also detained by Italian fashion police for riding a scooter while dressed like a Christmas tree- a Class A Felony in the country. Also, two dudes were arrested for plotting to kill Allen's stepfather two years ago. Here's the link to the bizarre and confusing article. In conclusion, Ray Allen is a law-abiding gentleman (except on scooters), but all sorts of crazy sh!t happens around him. Stay tuned.
Nemesis: Master Bruce.
Past rumors: People have speculated that Ray Allen is gay, somehow overlooking the scene where he bangs two chicks at the same time in "He Got Game" and the fact that he is now married with children. Regardless, we don't care whether Ray Allen is gay or not, but we're just a little bit gay for Ray Allen.
Random Wikitrivia: 12-handicap golfer, averages 150 in bowling, and apparantly paints his toenails for good luck. He and Scott Pollard should be fast friends. He is also the only Celtics player to be profiled by the Onion.
Youtube Gem: Georgetown versus UConn in the Big East tournament, 1995.
Prediction: Ray Allen is going to have a dope year. He has been the focus of defenses his entire career and now he will be drawing single coverage. People forget that he averaged 26 ppg last year on bum ankles and basically being double-teamed the whole time. The best defender is going to be on Paul (the offense has gone through Paul all preseason), Garnett will draw double teams AND pass, and Rondo can get in the paint and kick the ball out. This is a perfect situation for the Jesus.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
PERK IMMEDIATELY SOUGHT FOR QUESTIONING; RELEASED AFTER PROVING THAT HIS 7-FOOT PYTHON WAS WITH HIM IN HIS HOTEL ROOM AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENTSource URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
I've always loved to travel, but I have a limited income. So I was thrilled this year to discovered the genius of housing swaps. In Paris, my mom and I swapped apartments for a pretty apartment in the fourteenth. For our Berlin trip, Alex and I are swapping with the lovely apartment pictured here. (Check it out!!!)
Some friends say they'd be nervous about people messing up their stuff, but I feel like you can get a good sense of people through their emails. Now when we travel, I feel like more of an insider in the foreign city. Plus, we can spend the money we saved on fabulous dinners, museum tickets and boutique shopping. I would highly recommend it... Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
I may be the first person in the history of the world to projectile vomit, break out in a cold sweat, wet myself, cry, and drop a load in my undershorts simultaneously. I just did all of the aforementioned upon reading this on SI.com:
2. CELTICS -- An intriguing newcomer to the Kobe Sweepstakes, the Celtics could offer Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and some other spare parts. Pierce is an All-Star, and he's from the L.A. area. From Boston's standpoint it makes sense, assuming it wouldn't mind adding another gargantuan salary to that of Kevin Garnett's. Bryant could replace Pierce's scoring while providing a better perimeter defender to go with Ray Allen. However, the Lakers would probably need more than just Rondo in return -- even with Pierce as the main chip.
Nothing really compares to reading that your favorite team- to whom you devote a blog and at least 82 nights a year to- may trade for the man who hate more than anyone in the universe. It's something like walking in on your mother in bed with John Rocker- horrible on a multitude of levels.
However, once I got over the initial shock of reading those vile words, I calmed down and thought it through. While it may be too late to cancel my huge order of gasoline and matches I made immediately after reading it, it isn't too late to react rationally to this article. This is why this trade will never happen.
1) The author, Marty Burns, goes to his local barber and says, "Give me the Jeff Van Gundy." There. Now we're even, Marty.
2) As Mr. Burns points out, Kobe is probably not going to get traded in the first place.
It's still a long shot the Lakers would trade Bryant right now. Only a handful of teams have the combination of players and draft picks that L.A. would want. Throw in the fact that Bryant has a no-trade clause, a massive contract ($88.6 million over four years) and a 15-percent trade kicker, and it is easy to see why finding the right fit is all but impossible. Most NBA types seem to think this storm will blow over, and that the Lakers will try to find a way to make it work -- at least until the trade deadline.
Huge contract + moody yet talented superbastard + no-trade clause + no attractive destinations = this column.
It's probably not going to happen in the first place.
3) Kobe hates Boston, and we hate him. If you're reading this, Kobe, kindly arm a hand grenade and promptly shove it deep into your rectum.
4) As irritating as it is for me to admit it, Pierce & Rondo would not be enough for the Lakers. Not even close! Kobe scores more than Pierce and he plays better defense. The fact that Paul is from LA is completely inconsequential. (On a side note- he grew up in LA, moved to Kansas, then to Boston, and spends his offseasons in Vegas. He's not THAT local.)
Kobe's a much bigger star, both in the local market (LA) and nationally. He sells more tickets. He brings in more advertising dollars. After letting Shaq walk out of town to win a title in South Beach, the Lakers are going to be extra careful not to let that happen again.
The Lakers would have to answer to their loyal legion of fans, which consist of that bug-eyed vulture-like tattoed freak from Blink-182, Jack Nicholson and Pam Anderson's small brood of sexually transmitted diseases. Letting their star go to Boston, of all places, for a scorer (albeit a locally-born one) and an unproven point guard would be asinine from a Laker perspective.
5) I'm not going to lie, Kobe-Allen-KG would be a nasty combo. Also in the interest of honesty, I*Heart*Celtics might be the only group in the world that would be LESS interested in the Celtics as a result. I would hate them, but they would be a national favorite immediately. The Celtics would be the lead story of Sportscenter five nights a week, and Stu Scott would give all their highlights in poetry slam mode.
However, that would leave the Celtics with NO point guards, a ridiculous payroll, almost no young players, and a teenaged-girl-beating sex pervert on their streets. Additionally, we all know that Kobe is completely incapable of playing on a team and that pretty much everyone that plays with him other than that pansy Luke Walton hates him. I think Ray Allen hates him, too, but I probably made that up. When you combine that with the extremely high cost of trading for Kobe, then combine that with the fact that the Celtics have already been dangerously gutted from the Skeletor trade... it just doesn't seem plausible to me.
What sweet photos of bears by Jill Greenberg, who set up a huge outdoor studio in Calgary. She really seems to capture their moods and personalities. Her bear show will be exhibited at ClampArt until the end of November. P.S. Has anyone ever seen a bear in the wild? My family did while hiking in Yellowstone, but luckily we escaped unscathed.
I love anything reminiscent of my grandparents' fishing village in Cornwall, so I was really taken by this ship bowl from Dutch designer Hella Jongerius. Not a bad way to eat your cereal.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Yes, former Phoenix Suns star Kevin Johnson is in some kind of trouble- it's hard to tell what kind at this point- but he has been dumping dead goat remains in his sewage-spewing lots he owns all over Sacramento. He owns tons of properties under a variety of companies, all of which appear to be sketchy as Ruben Patterson at a middle-school dance. The Sacramento Bee is on the case, and we got the link via Deadspin.
Johnson's for-profit company, Kynship Development, also owns two rental homes nearby. One has had sewage bubbling up in the backyard and waste backing up in the washing machine, while the other is infested with mice, according to tenants and a city report.
Within a two-mile radius, a Bee investigation found, half of the 37 parcels owned by Johnson or companies and organizations he founded have been cited by the city in the past decade, some multiple times. The 73 violations at those Oak Park properties resulted in 42 fines or fees totaling at least $32,080.
Yikes. Of course, this is a clear cut case of why you should always pay attention to BP Rule #546: "Never give anybody who spells their own company's name wrong any kind of responsibility, because chances are they will buy abandoned lots and dump dead goats on it."
Kynship Development?!? No wonder it's a spectacular failure- its CEO can't even spell. They also mention in the article that one of his charities is in the red $900,000 and has more than $6 million in debt... and they don't have a single person on staff that has ANY experience doing anything related to the charity. Pretty good planning!
The sad part of the story is that poor neighborhoods are being made worse by Johnson's neglect. The good part is that the OPUS is on his ass. What's the OPUS, you ask?
Members of a group called "Oak Park United against Slumlords" -- OPUS -- have appeared before the Sacramento City Council and other government bodies, pleading for someone to force Johnson to develop or at least clean up the properties.
This marks an NBA crime milestone- the first time an NBA All-Star has been publicly identified as a slumlord! Ron Artest might starve his dogs, Qyntel Woods might fight them, Scottie Pippen might scam the government for farm subsidy money, Zach Randolph might punch strippers, Jason Kidd might punch his wife... but there's only ONE NBA slum lord, and that slum lord is Kevin Johnson.
Sadly, I am so busy this week that I can barely breathe, let alone blog. But I will leave you with the hilarious Dave's Party, which Josh and I saw at the Pompidou in Paris a few years ago and naturally became obsessed with. (Can you recognize the voice of a former SNL character?) Enjoy, my dears, and I'll see you soon! (By the fabulous Richard Goldstone)Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Ok, ok, we give up. Sweden, you are way cooler than any other country. Witness the new stamps (yes, stamps!) illustrated by Stina Wirsen and available at the Swedish post office. Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/ Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
