I may be the first person in the history of the world to projectile vomit, break out in a cold sweat, wet myself, cry, and drop a load in my undershorts simultaneously. I just did all of the aforementioned upon reading this on SI.com:
Nothing really compares to reading that your favorite team- to whom you devote a blog and at least 82 nights a year to- may trade for the man who hate more than anyone in the universe. It's something like walking in on your mother in bed with John Rocker- horrible on a multitude of levels.
However, once I got over the initial shock of reading those vile words, I calmed down and thought it through. While it may be too late to cancel my huge order of gasoline and matches I made immediately after reading it, it isn't too late to react rationally to this article. This is why this trade will never happen.
1) The author, Marty Burns, goes to his local barber and says, "Give me the Jeff Van Gundy." There. Now we're even, Marty.
2) As Mr. Burns points out, Kobe is probably not going to get traded in the first place.
Huge contract + moody yet talented superbastard + no-trade clause + no attractive destinations = this column.
It's probably not going to happen in the first place.
3) Kobe hates Boston, and we hate him. If you're reading this, Kobe, kindly arm a hand grenade and promptly shove it deep into your rectum.
4) As irritating as it is for me to admit it, Pierce & Rondo would not be enough for the Lakers. Not even close! Kobe scores more than Pierce and he plays better defense. The fact that Paul is from LA is completely inconsequential. (On a side note- he grew up in LA, moved to Kansas, then to Boston, and spends his offseasons in Vegas. He's not THAT local.)
Kobe's a much bigger star, both in the local market (LA) and nationally. He sells more tickets. He brings in more advertising dollars. After letting Shaq walk out of town to win a title in South Beach, the Lakers are going to be extra careful not to let that happen again.
The Lakers would have to answer to their loyal legion of fans, which consist of that bug-eyed vulture-like tattoed freak from Blink-182, Jack Nicholson and Pam Anderson's small brood of sexually transmitted diseases. Letting their star go to Boston, of all places, for a scorer (albeit a locally-born one) and an unproven point guard would be asinine from a Laker perspective.
5) I'm not going to lie, Kobe-Allen-KG would be a nasty combo. Also in the interest of honesty, I*Heart*Celtics might be the only group in the world that would be LESS interested in the Celtics as a result. I would hate them, but they would be a national favorite immediately. The Celtics would be the lead story of Sportscenter five nights a week, and Stu Scott would give all their highlights in poetry slam mode.
However, that would leave the Celtics with NO point guards, a ridiculous payroll, almost no young players, and a teenaged-girl-beating sex pervert on their streets. Additionally, we all know that Kobe is completely incapable of playing on a team and that pretty much everyone that plays with him other than that pansy Luke Walton hates him. I think Ray Allen hates him, too, but I probably made that up. When you combine that with the extremely high cost of trading for Kobe, then combine that with the fact that the Celtics have already been dangerously gutted from the Skeletor trade... it just doesn't seem plausible to me.
Thank the basketball gods for that.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/celtics-in-kobe-sweepstakes.html
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2. CELTICS -- An intriguing newcomer to the Kobe Sweepstakes, the Celtics could offer Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and some other spare parts. Pierce is an All-Star, and he's from the L.A. area. From Boston's standpoint it makes sense, assuming it wouldn't mind adding another gargantuan salary to that of Kevin Garnett's. Bryant could replace Pierce's scoring while providing a better perimeter defender to go with Ray Allen. However, the Lakers would probably need more than just Rondo in return -- even with Pierce as the main chip.
Nothing really compares to reading that your favorite team- to whom you devote a blog and at least 82 nights a year to- may trade for the man who hate more than anyone in the universe. It's something like walking in on your mother in bed with John Rocker- horrible on a multitude of levels.
However, once I got over the initial shock of reading those vile words, I calmed down and thought it through. While it may be too late to cancel my huge order of gasoline and matches I made immediately after reading it, it isn't too late to react rationally to this article. This is why this trade will never happen.
1) The author, Marty Burns, goes to his local barber and says, "Give me the Jeff Van Gundy." There. Now we're even, Marty.
2) As Mr. Burns points out, Kobe is probably not going to get traded in the first place.
It's still a long shot the Lakers would trade Bryant right now. Only a handful of teams have the combination of players and draft picks that L.A. would want. Throw in the fact that Bryant has a no-trade clause, a massive contract ($88.6 million over four years) and a 15-percent trade kicker, and it is easy to see why finding the right fit is all but impossible. Most NBA types seem to think this storm will blow over, and that the Lakers will try to find a way to make it work -- at least until the trade deadline.
Huge contract + moody yet talented superbastard + no-trade clause + no attractive destinations = this column.
It's probably not going to happen in the first place.
3) Kobe hates Boston, and we hate him. If you're reading this, Kobe, kindly arm a hand grenade and promptly shove it deep into your rectum.
4) As irritating as it is for me to admit it, Pierce & Rondo would not be enough for the Lakers. Not even close! Kobe scores more than Pierce and he plays better defense. The fact that Paul is from LA is completely inconsequential. (On a side note- he grew up in LA, moved to Kansas, then to Boston, and spends his offseasons in Vegas. He's not THAT local.)
Kobe's a much bigger star, both in the local market (LA) and nationally. He sells more tickets. He brings in more advertising dollars. After letting Shaq walk out of town to win a title in South Beach, the Lakers are going to be extra careful not to let that happen again.
The Lakers would have to answer to their loyal legion of fans, which consist of that bug-eyed vulture-like tattoed freak from Blink-182, Jack Nicholson and Pam Anderson's small brood of sexually transmitted diseases. Letting their star go to Boston, of all places, for a scorer (albeit a locally-born one) and an unproven point guard would be asinine from a Laker perspective.
5) I'm not going to lie, Kobe-Allen-KG would be a nasty combo. Also in the interest of honesty, I*Heart*Celtics might be the only group in the world that would be LESS interested in the Celtics as a result. I would hate them, but they would be a national favorite immediately. The Celtics would be the lead story of Sportscenter five nights a week, and Stu Scott would give all their highlights in poetry slam mode.
However, that would leave the Celtics with NO point guards, a ridiculous payroll, almost no young players, and a teenaged-girl-beating sex pervert on their streets. Additionally, we all know that Kobe is completely incapable of playing on a team and that pretty much everyone that plays with him other than that pansy Luke Walton hates him. I think Ray Allen hates him, too, but I probably made that up. When you combine that with the extremely high cost of trading for Kobe, then combine that with the fact that the Celtics have already been dangerously gutted from the Skeletor trade... it just doesn't seem plausible to me.
Thank the basketball gods for that.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/10/celtics-in-kobe-sweepstakes.html
Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
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