TEAM IN THE CRAPPER

I*HEART*CELTICS SOLUTIONS FOR A TEAM THAT, A COUPLE YEARS AGO, WOULD BE ONE GAME AWAY FROM LOSING IN THE FIRST ROUND TO THE EIGHTH SEED

Ironic how one of David Stern's worst rulings, moving the first round of the playoffs to seven games, may be the ruling that saves the Celtics. Who ever thought the Celtics would be a one seed reeling from two straight losses to the worst playoff team ever? Not I. The ruling is still asinine, but I guess a friend of your enemy can be your friend for a playoff series.

So here's how the Celtics can be fixed immediately.

1) Fire Doc Rivers. This should happen immediately. Tom Thibeudiauerhaeu is a much better alternative. People have been making the argument that Doc has been a good coach this year. This is a classic case of lowered expectations. For example, when you have a spastic, out of control new puppy, you get all excited when that puppy doesn't chew up your slippers and you are willing to overlook the fact that it took a dump on the carpet, tore your trash apart, and bit the neighbor's kid in the face. That is, until the dog is bigger, it's untrainable, and is a friggin' menace to society and needs to be put down. That's where Doc is- he's a menace. No amount of brain type research will EVER convince me that a lineup of Sam Cassell, Eddie House, Posey, Powe, and GBBD makes any sense. He's got to go.

2) Banish Sam Cassell to outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. He has played 23 minutes in the last two games and has gone 1-7 from the field. I have theorized that he has been a double agent, but the smart money is on him just going rogue. Give Tony Allen his minutes. Why, you may ask?

3) Put Tony Allen on Joe Johnson. Ray Allen is being taken apart because Johnson is bigger, quicker, and savvier offensively than Allen is defensively. Now, the other Allen, TA, can get in Johnson's face and shut him down. THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TA ON THE TEAM. This also goes back to Doc being stupid, so perhaps if he was fired this wouldn't be such an issue.

4) Run an offense in the fourth quarter. Just try it once and see if it is successful. If it is, continue to run an offense. If it isn't, go back to standing around picking your butts.

5) Get Paul Pierce to a shrink, STAT. He's getting embarrassed by trash talking from THE worst playoff team ever. Pierce needs to punch a pillow or talk about his daddy issues, or something. He looks like he's at his first day at a new school. What the hell.

6) More Rondo. Rondo's playing great. In fact, I would argue he's the best player on the Celtics right now. He's averaging 12 points, 8 assists, 1 turnover on 50% shooting AND HE'S AVERAGING 31 MINUTES PER GAME. This shouldn't be so difficult. He's 23 or whatever, he can go 40 minutes in the playoffs. Double bonus, it would keep Sam Cassell on the bench. DAMMIT I should be coaching this team. Of course, then I would have to walk away from the millions of dollars I am making off this website. I'll have to think that through.

So there you go. That's how you fix the Celtics for this series, and as an added bonus you get to watch the improved, Doc and Sam-less C's channel the spirit of Ike Turner and beat the hell out of a young talented starlet- Lebron- in the next round.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2008/04/team-in-crapper.html
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