Kobe, ABC and ESPN Make Me Puke

Here we have the obligatory "this series isn't over" story from ESPN today. While Kobe is right, and any Boston sports fan would have to agree that a 3-1 deficit is far from a done deal, the article is so laudatory of Kobe it makes me turn my head away in disgust. I'd rather watch two slimy bugs doin' it than read this garbage.

I don't know who is telling everybody over at ESPN that Kobe is suddenly a sympathetic character. We get it- you want us to believe that Kobe is the quintessential family man, always putting his wife and his kids first. We had to endure a halftime special of this garbage, Kobe talking about how long he had been married, how he puts his family first, and how much he loved his kids. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? If there is a less compelling puff piece in the HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE, I challenge all the anonymous nerds on the internet to find one. If there is one, it has to be the funniest thing ever and it would be worth admitting I was wrong just to watch it. I mentioned this earlier, but the funniest juxtaposition of the year so far was the Game 2 "Leon Powe was homeless" story with the Game 3 "Kobe is a family man" storyline. The first was about an undersized and under appreciated hardworking player who had overcome incredible odds and was obsessed with giving back to the community. The second was Kobe playing with his kids in a gigantic mansion while his wife wore that $4 million "I'm sorry" ring. I didn't see the "I'm sorry" Lamborghini Murciélago in the driveway, though, maybe she traded it in for something a little nicer.

I don't know who ABC is targeting with this garbage. I highly doubt the casual fan that could be convinced that Kobe is likable is staying up until 10-10:30 to watch anyway. The rest of us are watching thinking, "This is the guy that, at best, lured a teenaged stranger into humiliating sexual acts while he was married, and at worst raped this same teenaged stranger while he was married." I know that point has been made more eloquently before by many people, but it bears repeating.

But it's gotten even worse. ESPN is now injecting that garbage into its regular coverage of the Finals. Take this, for example, from the AP and posted both on the ESPN and Sports Illustrated sites.

"We've got to take care of business on Sunday," said Bryant, who spent much of the past two days relaxing at home with his family. "So what are we going to do? How am I going to get my teammates in the right frame of mind, make sure they're energetic, and that's what it's been all about."
Bryant said he spent much of the past two days reading a Harry Potter book to his daughters.
"It was awesome," he said. "He had more problems dealing with Voldemort than what we have dealing with the media and the Celtics."

WHO APPROVES THIS GARBAGE?

I don't see articles about Ray Allen, where the phrase "Allen said while organizing charity events for his Ray of Hope foundation" is sandwiched between his quotes. Why not include the fact that Michael Vick is petting his dogs while being interviewed? Or that Pacman Jones was successfully resisting the urge to make it rain during an interview? Why are these inane footnotes about Kobe's personal life included in the coverage? WHO DOES THIS INTEREST!? The consensus even among people that LIKE Kobe is that he's a terrible teammate and is a prickly-ass human that is aloof and unlikable AT BEST. Why is ABC wasting everybody's time trying to salvage a reputation that has been completely destroyed? As Bill Simmons pointed out the other day, Phil Jackson wrote an entire book about how much of a prick Kobe is, for crying out loud. That's his own coach!

I know the NBA wants Kobe to be as popular as Michael Jordan so that they can make money hand over fist. The NBA is trying to squeeze every dollar out of their fans even if it means destroying the integrity of the league (see referee scandalS response, otherwise known as "nothing") or the future fanbase (see 9pm starts in the NBA Finals). Let me tell you something, NBA, if Michael was playing today he would be EVISCERATED on the internet. Seriously- gambling all day long, banging models and hookers in every city, calling his teammates flaming faggots, punching Will Perdue in the face for setting a pick on him in practice, and punching Steve Kerr in the face. All this stuff is funny in retrospect because MJ was so friggin' good, he had great commercials, he could be charming, and because people liked him before he became a megastar. It won't work for Kobe. Nobody REALLY likes him, he's the basketball version of Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens. Just go ahead and trust me on this one. You would be much better served making Kobe into a supervillain. He'd even be more popular. Look at the WWE if you need convincing, you need great bad guys to make the stories really work. Kobe is the perfect supervillain. For those of you that already hate him (i.e. everybody), and for those of you at the NBA, ABC, and ESPN that for some reason need convincing, here are a few classics for your viewing pleasure.