ODEN OUT FOR SEASON AFTER KNEE SURGERY; STEPHON MARBURY'S TESTIMONY MOST HUMILIATING PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT SINCE SEAN MORTON PULLED MY PANTS DOWN IN KINDERGARTEN
You've all heard the news about Greg Oden missing the season because of his gimpy knee... that's a raw deal both for Oden and for the Blazers. However, on a personal level, it's amazing how little I care about Oden now that the Celtics are in a good position. Think about it- we could have had the #1 pick, taken Oden, lost him for the season, and had a repeat of last year!
The far more hilarious news of the day was Stephon Marbury taking the stand for his boy, Isiah Thomas. Why Isiah didn't just pay this woman off, nobody knows, because the way Stephon testified today you KNOW there are about fifty employees that will give outrageous, damning testimonies. Here are the greatest hits:
Browne Sanders grew weepy as she described how the intern, a St. Johns University student, was subjected to a filthy come-on by Marbury's cousin, Hassan Gonsalves. Browne Sanders said the intern told her she later wound up in Marbury's car and the two had sex.
Ouch. But in his defense...
Marbury said he did not know that the intern, who was at the strip club celebrating her birthday with friends, was drunk during their encounter in April 2005. He was prevented from getting into the salacious details by the judge.
That prudish judge just cost I*Heart*Celtics about fifty date rape jokes! Oh well, for the sake of the undoubtedly aghast intern, it's probably for the best. After all, it's important for the witnesses to stay on point- this isn't about porking a terrorized young woman in the back of an Escalade, it's about whether Boss Thomas sexually harassed this woman! Stephon was there to defend his coach's honor!
Marbury admitted calling Browne Sanders a "bitch" after she refused to give him more game tickets for his friends and family.
Thanks for showing up, Stephon, the only way you could have torpedoed Isiah's defense any more would be if the judge had let you share more salicious details from your car tryst. But we're not even at the best part!
Afterward, as Marbury raced to a blue Rolls-Royce trailed by reporters, he called the trial a "tough situation" and refused to speculate on the possible outcome. "It's not for me to judge," he said.
Marbury tried to change the subject by making fun of the reporters' ties and shoes, noting that he was wearing expensive tan lace-ups, then drowning out the pesky questions by breaking into song.
"I got some new Starburys that are coming out," Marbury said before disappearing, a pitch for his reasonably-priced basketball shoes.
Ah, the old point-and-laugh-at-shoes routine! Mature, and vaguely familiar... that's right! Somebody made fun of my shoes once- it was a crackhead that smelled like piss waddling through Southeast DC with his fly open. The difference between him and Stephon is that the crackhead still had a sliver of self-respect and legitimacy.
UP NEXT: More sexual harassment trial! And, somewhere, looming in the distance, a Zach Randolph story! Stay tuned!Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/09/offseason-pr-nightmare-continues.html
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