I watch about as many TV commercials as Reggie Lewis these days, so forgive me if I am way behind on this one, but as soon as I saw this one last night, I blacked out and woke up twenty minutes later underneath ten federal agents after trying to kill the queen of England.
Has there ever, in the history of the universe, been a more rage-inducing thirty second piece of propaganda!? If the words "KILL YOUR PARENTS" flashed at the end of that I would do it. Consider these aspects of the commercial-
Risky Business, which has been played out for over 20 years. WE GET IT! Tom Cruise dances in his underpants! If this movie makes you nostalgic, you're nostalgic for a movie that sucks. Hard.
That @#$%@#$%# song... which probably annoyed the crap out of the engineers the first time it was recorded, has been featured in previews for at least ten million terrible movies and has an unprecendented change-the-radio-station conversion rate of 100%.
ARod - in the news for sucking in the playoffs, frost tipping his hair despite being in his 30's and not being the year 2000, getting booed by his home fans, being overpaid, banging that muscle-bound hag Madonna, getting divorced... this abomination comes sliding out in his iconic underpants holding a plastic guitar.
Tony Hawk - in the news.... not at all. Note the skateboard to remind us that this guy skateboards.
Michael Phelps - so boring he makes Tiger Woods look like Tracy Morgan. With all those endorsements you'd think he could pay someone ten bucks to sledgehammer that underbite back into place.
and then....
KOBE BRYANT, sliding in, wearing what appear to be jams made out of bedsheets, singing the most annoying song perhaps in existence, trampling whatever amusing kitsch appeal that played out scene had remaining into dust, prancing around like a nincompoop (in his jams) while his ever-so-slightly less annoying compadres play AIR FAKE INSTRUMENTS!!!! Why a bunch of irritating athletes are advertising a musical video game is anyone's guess. I especially love Tony Hawk, who somehow turns a basic blues shuffle beat into a drum solo from Dream Theater. This continues for several horrifying seconds before cutting to Kobe (the alleged rapist) gyrating and air-humping in front of the flat screen while ARod and Phelps begin masturbating violently on dual couches to his flanks. Then, the camera cuts to outside the house, inside of which the most horrific game of ookie cookie ever, and that's saying something, inevitably will take place.
Anyone with knowledge of this commercial that purchases this video game should be immediately sent to Gitmo for extensive interrogation. We should just assume the ad execs behind it are in cahoots with Al-Qaida and proceed accordingly. Be an American and set fire to your copy of this game if you have one.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2008/11/commence-serial-killing-spree.html
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