Celticsblog Sucks

It might be a coincidence, but every time I read Celticsblog, I find traces of vomit in my mouth. Yes they do provide comprehensive coverage of all Celtics news, but their articles and opinions are staler than one of BP's farts. Sure, their links to Celtics-related stories are great and they’re always on top of breaking news. The problem starts when one of their boring-ass writers gets cocky and decides he's got something to say. That’s where the wheels come off the bus. With humor dryer than a Triscuit cracker and with creativity that could rival only a box turtle, their articles are nothing but bland vesicles of somewhat informative Celtics-related words. A good Celticsblog article is like eating a ricecake. Its not particularly exciting or tasteful, but it does provide you with the essential information or nutritional sustenance. A bad Celticsblog article however is like eating a moldy peach. You feel sick just looking at the title, who knows what will happen if you read it.
(note to Celticblog: If your going to make a pun for your article titles, make sure it contains at least one phallic-joke, fart-joke, or Scalbrine-fat joke. All 3 are also acceptable)

One Celticsblog writer who likes to write moldy peaches is this really annoying guy named JB (he also does Celticsstuff live). In the span of a week he wrote two articles lame enough to make Jesse Nunes blush. What makes JB so obnoxious is that he likes to take song lyrics and use them as a metaphor for the theme of his article. A clever gag if your using Walta McCarty lyrics, but JB takes himself way too seriously for that.
The first article I read was titled "Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me.." He uses lyrics from the Beatles song 'When Im 64' to make the point that the "big 3" the Celtics brought in are too old. He tries to compare the breakdown of Bird, McKale, and Parish in their 30's to show that Garnett, P2, and Ray Ray could be on a simular slide. He ignores the fact that the late 80's are not the late 2000's, Parish played effectively till he was 52, and Garnett and Pierce are not two white guys with ankle and back problems. His point is petty and his evidence weak, but that’s all besides the point. The point is JB is a pessimistic loser who constantly quotes song lyrics to make his lame points. This would be fine if my mother was a Celtics fan or maybe even the 11 year old girl next door, but the last time I went to a Celtics game I noticed a lot of males ages 15-40. Bill Simmons is popular because he writes about video games, Doc Rivers' stupidity, and how Tommy is senile; not poetically inspired, doily laced, pieces of crap.

After I calmed down I was ready to give JB a mulligan, as I myself have written my fair share of lame blogs. Then I logged in the other day and found this! "Three little words..." More song lyrics? You got it dude. These lyrics were from a song 'Three little words,' sung by Bing Crosby in 1930 ( My grandmother is def not a Celtics fan). The reason he choose these song lyrics is because JB was excited that Scott Pollard described the Celtics offense this season as a "free-flowing offense," three words JB has always wished the Celtics would adhere to. The metaphor seems like kind of stretch considering its obscurity, and the amount of emphasis he puts on it for such a small point (he gives us background information on the song and gives us a whole refrain of lyrics). The Beatles metaphor was so cliché and obvious that it was stupid. This one is so random and unnecessary, its just weird. I had pictured JB as a 41 year old game-lar who lived in his mothers basement. Now it appears he's an 81 year game-lar who lives in his dead mother's basement.

If your still not convinced that JB is senile and Celticsblog sucks, listen to this episode of Celticsstufflive where JB falls asleep for half of the show, wakes up thinking its 1995, and tells us that instead of signing Dikembe Mutumbo or PJ Brown, the Celtics should bring back the Kandi man and instead of signing Gary Payton or Charlie Bell the Celtics should sign John Stockton (im not joking and neither is he).Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/08/celticsblog-sucks.html
Visit ledger heath for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection