UH OH

CELTICS DROP OVERTIME STINKER; STARTING FIVE SMOKED BY SUPREMELY AVERAGE CAVS; DOC WISHES THE GAME WENT INTO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE OT SO HE COULD HAVE THREE PLAYERS BREAK THE SINGLE-GAME MOST MINUTES PLAYED RECORD IN THE SAME GAME


Perhaps time will remember this game as a back-and-forth battle between Eastern Conference heavyweights. Hopefully, it won't be remembered as the first game of a steady decline. The Big Three looked shaky at best, confused at worst tonight, and they were throroughly outplayed by an 8-6 team.

Obviously, Lebron was the big story, scoring 38 points, but the big story for Celtics fans is the fact that the Green had NOTHING on Drew Gooden (who has shaved the poop stain off the back of his head and replaced it with a Taliban beard) and ZeGooniest Ilgauskas, who makes Gheorge Muresan's footwork look like Sugar Ray Leonard's. Those two goofs combined to shoot 17-24 from the field and grab 27 rebounds. (The Celtics, as a team, were outrebounded by 7.) Watching those two wreak havoc on the Celtics front line was worse than the rape scene in the Hills Have Eyes.

Slightly less disturbing was the old, weary looking performance by Paul Pierce. He was sluggishly shortarming 10-footers at the end of the fourth quarter. Surprised? He played 44 minutes. You don't want to know how many minutes Ray Allen played, but I am going to tell you anyway- 49. Sweet. Unfortunately, not one of the starters had a +/- in the positives, while James Posey (+9, 20 minutes), GBBD (+5, 6 minutes), and Brian Scalabrine (+4, 5 minutes) were itching to help off the bench. Hell, even Scott Pollard (+0, 5 minutes) and Eddie House (-2, 15 minutes) were doing better, but all they got was pine time. Meanwhile, Ray Allen was shooting 10-25 and Pierce was 5-15.

WHAT THE F###!!!!!

The Celtics' bench is BETTER, inexplicably, than expected, yet Doc gives them no minutes. The starters were getting shredded and he refused to make a change. I hate to say it, but it's becoming clear that the Celtics will not be a contender with Doc at the helm. He can't put the right guys on the floor at the right time. He's incapable. I'm more likely to be on the cover of Ebony than Doc is to raise a championship trophy.

Anyway, on to the superlatives.

MVP: GBBD. Yeah, he played 6 minutes but he was the best player on the floor. If you don't agree, I'll bet you were held back a grade.

LVP: Ira Newble. I didn't really notice him out there, and he only played 16 minutes, but he was -22 for the game. That's got to be a record for a player on a winning team.

The "I Can't Believe This Guy Is Beating the Celtics" Award: Boobs Gibson. He couldn't start on any team other than the Cavs. He's a symbol of how average the Cavs are.

The "I Can't Believe This Guy is Beating the Celtics" Award runner-up: Mike Brown. The least competent coach of a winning team in history not named Doc Rivers.

The Highwater Award: Brian Scalabrine for consistently tucking his warmup shirt into his warmup pants and then hiking the pants up to his chin.

UP NEXT: Knicks at home on Thursday. Losing to the Knicks is simply not acceptable.Source URL: http://ledger-heath.blogspot.com/2007/11/uh-oh.html
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